i´ve begun to think about religion again. it´s been awhile, like, 6 or 7 years since i really took a good hard look at what i believe. which i´m not exactly doing right now, but i´m starting to dip my toes into the water again. i´m reading the new testament. back 6 or 7 years ago i read the old testament and decided there was no way that this book could have anything to do with how i believed the world worked. i´m only about halfway through mark, but i´m already feeling the same way about the new testament.
i seem to remember that a lot of the frustration and annoyance that i felt back when i read the old testament had to do with my body. i love my body, i love how it lets me live and experience the world, and for the most part i trust it. i trust in what i can experience with my body more than i trust in any idea of a spirit or consciousness outside of my body. i don´t know how it works or how anybody elses works or how we ended up here with plastic, and puppies, and art, and dinosaur bones, and computers, and all sorts of things. i can´t explain that. what i do know is that i´m here, and not for very long. and what i believe is that once i´m gone, that´s it for me. it´s a scary thought, because for me it´s a big vast empty black void of nothingness afterwards. and i don´t know what that means. for me or for anyone else.
i got that far about 6 years ago and decided that denying the faith that i was brought up with and the beliefs of my family was enough at that point. so now i´m starting to think about moving on, but i don´t know how to get past that big scary vacuum. i´m not sure i ever will.
but i know that i can´t be separated from my body. and maybe that´s where the vacuum comes in, because if i feel that i can´t be separated from my body, then there must be nothing for me after my body is done.
so what´s the point? i´m not sure. so basically i live the life i want, try to be as happy as possible, and try not to decrease the happiness of those around me. but is that enough?
whew. i should stop here, since this is a comment on your post and not my own personal blab journal.
i guess what i´m trying to say is: i find a lot of what your write about your beliefs and mary very interesting, familiar, and thought provoking. thanks for posting.
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i seem to remember that a lot of the frustration and annoyance that i felt back when i read the old testament had to do with my body. i love my body, i love how it lets me live and experience the world, and for the most part i trust it. i trust in what i can experience with my body more than i trust in any idea of a spirit or consciousness outside of my body. i don´t know how it works or how anybody elses works or how we ended up here with plastic, and puppies, and art, and dinosaur bones, and computers, and all sorts of things. i can´t explain that. what i do know is that i´m here, and not for very long. and what i believe is that once i´m gone, that´s it for me. it´s a scary thought, because for me it´s a big vast empty black void of nothingness afterwards. and i don´t know what that means. for me or for anyone else.
i got that far about 6 years ago and decided that denying the faith that i was brought up with and the beliefs of my family was enough at that point. so now i´m starting to think about moving on, but i don´t know how to get past that big scary vacuum. i´m not sure i ever will.
but i know that i can´t be separated from my body. and maybe that´s where the vacuum comes in, because if i feel that i can´t be separated from my body, then there must be nothing for me after my body is done.
so what´s the point? i´m not sure. so basically i live the life i want, try to be as happy as possible, and try not to decrease the happiness of those around me. but is that enough?
whew. i should stop here, since this is a comment on your post and not my own personal blab journal.
i guess what i´m trying to say is: i find a lot of what your write about your beliefs and mary very interesting, familiar, and thought provoking. thanks for posting.