My experience is healed. I recognize that are men who are the victims and women who do the perpetrating, but in the latter case it is statistically so small as to not to be relevant to this discussion. And yes, patriarchal culture is a problem. Many women are 'complicit in their own oppression' but that does still not mean they are to blame. It's hard to pin things on 'the patriarchy' because to some extent that's all of us, in one or another.

Unless I specifically write about The Men, it is never appropriate to ask 'what about the men' when it comes to feminism. When discussing rape, in general, I will never concede that it is necessary to describe the rapist in a s/he context. Now, if I start writing about sexual abuse, then I think it is relevant to do so. But in terms of rape - it is a crisis among women, perpetrated by men.