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Life with B
When it comes to Bennett, Adam and I are pretty lucky. We've managed to keep living our lives - modified of course. Our personal spiritual practices are quite short, I'm lucky if I get 20 minutes of easy yoga 4 times a week and lucky if I get more than 5 minutes of meditation a day. We've managed to go out with friends, be spontaneous, and figure out a sleeping/feeding "schedule" that allows us some rest. We're especially lucky that B loves to be in the sling and will just conk out. But then... he also hates to be put down for too long. He LOVES being up close to one of us. It's incredibly sweet, but if I can manage to leave him in his basket I want more than that 20 minute window.
My patience is faltering. When does he get fun? He smiles rarely. He's alert a lot, but he's not interested in socially engaging yet. He is either chill and observant or crying. I know he'll get chipper on his own schedule, but it would be a nice incentive for me. It's hard to read about other people's babies being all cute and smiley and gaining weight, when B is still only 6 1/2 pounds. He's 8 1/2 weeks and still in premie clothes! Ack! I know... he's gaining on his own time. I can tell he's growing and developing. His alert times are more alert and he's grown out of his special goodmama-style premie diapers - only in length though, not in girth. I wonder if I'm going to have a string bean for a son!
Plus, the little guy is eating like there's no tomorrow. My boobs are getting sore. Yesterday I nursed him in between interviews (not so fruitful, sigh) and when we got home he nursed for 2 /12 hours straight! AAAAHH! And *then* he was still hungry! I was close to tears because I so worn out so I went to bed and Adam ended up feeding him 6 oz of formula in an hour. Holy COW. And because of the constant eating he's wetting more often and in greater volume so I'm doing laundry just about every day. I should've gotten more diapers!
The pediatrician said she expected B to catch up size and weight wise by 6 months. That's only 4 months away and I wondered how that would be possible. .....by spending the next four months in a feeding frenzy, that's how!
My patience is faltering. When does he get fun? He smiles rarely. He's alert a lot, but he's not interested in socially engaging yet. He is either chill and observant or crying. I know he'll get chipper on his own schedule, but it would be a nice incentive for me. It's hard to read about other people's babies being all cute and smiley and gaining weight, when B is still only 6 1/2 pounds. He's 8 1/2 weeks and still in premie clothes! Ack! I know... he's gaining on his own time. I can tell he's growing and developing. His alert times are more alert and he's grown out of his special goodmama-style premie diapers - only in length though, not in girth. I wonder if I'm going to have a string bean for a son!
Plus, the little guy is eating like there's no tomorrow. My boobs are getting sore. Yesterday I nursed him in between interviews (not so fruitful, sigh) and when we got home he nursed for 2 /12 hours straight! AAAAHH! And *then* he was still hungry! I was close to tears because I so worn out so I went to bed and Adam ended up feeding him 6 oz of formula in an hour. Holy COW. And because of the constant eating he's wetting more often and in greater volume so I'm doing laundry just about every day. I should've gotten more diapers!
The pediatrician said she expected B to catch up size and weight wise by 6 months. That's only 4 months away and I wondered how that would be possible. .....by spending the next four months in a feeding frenzy, that's how!
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As far as your frustration with feeding... its normal. I know its hard sometimes, but the "feeding frenzy" you speak of? I experienced that much demand for the breast with Niya at 1 year of age. Its all meant to keep your supply up. 2.5 hours is a normal nursing session in my book :) I try not to even bother with the time, or think about it as him nursing. I just relinquish myself to the fact that my breasts need to be available 24/7.
Do you cosleep? We do. Indra nurses almost the entire night. If you can do that and just keep switching sides all night it could decrease some of the daytime feeding so you have more time to yourself when it really counts.
As for laundry... yeah we go through about 16-24 diapers a day. Plus at least as many cloth wipes, plus niyamas diapers and training pants. So you KNOW I do *several* loads a day.
Sorry all the momma stuff has got you down. Just know its normal. All the feeding/changing you are doing is not excessive at all. You'll start to fall into a routine soon and it will get easier. Like I said, enjoy the baby-days, they fly by much too fast!
p.s. i'll send those diapers this week!
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We do cosleep. We have a basket by the bed too, but more and more, we find that we all sleep in longer chunks if he's in the bed with us. Sadly, the side lying position just hasn't worked for us. Part of it is he's so tiny and my boob will suffocate him (I fear). And.... the real reason is he still needs the plastic nipple shield 95% of the time.
Thankfully, B is a mellow baby. He's clear about his needs and rarely fusses for the sake of fussing (or, rather, can't be quieted down by something obvious). I have enough baby experience to know that we lucked out! But having my own babe 24/7 is not the same as nannying, so .... I think my endurance needs some work. :)
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Sorry you've been overwhelmed. I know it is really hard to have any type of logical train of thought when you have children, ESPECIALLY when said child(ren) are in your presence. I think its natures way - to block out any thoughts that interfere with our instincts to care for our child(ren) and nourish/protect them 24/7. Its hard to fight!
I'm sure you'll find a reasonable balance soon enough.