Life with B

[theatokos]

When it comes to Bennett, Adam and I are pretty lucky. We've managed to keep living our lives - modified of course. Our personal spiritual practices are quite short, I'm lucky if I get 20 minutes of easy yoga 4 times a week and lucky if I get more than 5 minutes of meditation a day. We've managed to go out with friends, be spontaneous, and figure out a sleeping/feeding "schedule" that allows us some rest. We're especially lucky that B loves to be in the sling and will just conk out. But then... he also hates to be put down for too long. He LOVES being up close to one of us. It's incredibly sweet, but if I can manage to leave him in his basket I want more than that 20 minute window.

My patience is faltering. When does he get fun? He smiles rarely. He's alert a lot, but he's not interested in socially engaging yet. He is either chill and observant or crying. I know he'll get chipper on his own schedule, but it would be a nice incentive for me. It's hard to read about other people's babies being all cute and smiley and gaining weight, when B is still only 6 1/2 pounds. He's 8 1/2 weeks and still in premie clothes! Ack! I know... he's gaining on his own time. I can tell he's growing and developing. His alert times are more alert and he's grown out of his special goodmama-style premie diapers - only in length though, not in girth. I wonder if I'm going to have a string bean for a son!

Plus, the little guy is eating like there's no tomorrow. My boobs are getting sore. Yesterday I nursed him in between interviews (not so fruitful, sigh) and when we got home he nursed for 2 /12 hours straight! AAAAHH! And *then* he was still hungry! I was close to tears because I so worn out so I went to bed and Adam ended up feeding him 6 oz of formula in an hour. Holy COW. And because of the constant eating he's wetting more often and in greater volume so I'm doing laundry just about every day. I should've gotten more diapers!

The pediatrician said she expected B to catch up size and weight wise by 6 months. That's only 4 months away and I wondered how that would be possible. .....by spending the next four months in a feeding frenzy, that's how!

Comments

[msmidge.livejournal.com]

Sam has always been a string bean. He didn't get "fun" at all until he was closer to 4-5 months, and even then he was still pretty much a bump on a log. I think 5-6 months is when Sam started being more giggly, finding strange things funny (like coughing and feet) and liking to be tickled. I bet B will start smiling any day now, though. Hang in there!

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I just can't wait til he's more than just a feeding machine. When he sleeps it is truly the most beautiful and soul warming thing ever. But sometimes the crying-feed-cry-change-feed cycle seems never ending!

[msmidge.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I was a little bit sad, but way more relieved, when Sam was finally, completely, uninterested in nursing anymore...at like 20 months. Gah!

[thekitchenvixen.livejournal.com]

I would say the fun doesn't REALLY start until at least 6 months. It seems far away but its not! In the blink of an eye he will no longer be a baby, or a toddler, but a KID. Its weird, so enjoy the baby stages while you can :)

As far as your frustration with feeding... its normal. I know its hard sometimes, but the "feeding frenzy" you speak of? I experienced that much demand for the breast with Niya at 1 year of age. Its all meant to keep your supply up. 2.5 hours is a normal nursing session in my book :) I try not to even bother with the time, or think about it as him nursing. I just relinquish myself to the fact that my breasts need to be available 24/7.

Do you cosleep? We do. Indra nurses almost the entire night. If you can do that and just keep switching sides all night it could decrease some of the daytime feeding so you have more time to yourself when it really counts.

As for laundry... yeah we go through about 16-24 diapers a day. Plus at least as many cloth wipes, plus niyamas diapers and training pants. So you KNOW I do *several* loads a day.
Sorry all the momma stuff has got you down. Just know its normal. All the feeding/changing you are doing is not excessive at all. You'll start to fall into a routine soon and it will get easier. Like I said, enjoy the baby-days, they fly by much too fast!

p.s. i'll send those diapers this week!

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I guess I do feel a little down. I don't what exactly threw me over the edge, but I do feel a little overwhelmed lately. I think maybe it's that I've actually been busy for the last three days and the energy needed to be social and professionally focused (holy wow that was hard yesterday - I kept losing my train of thought in the interviews!), plus sustain a little life is really challenging! I am so glad that I can nurse B at work. But long feeds like that 2.5 hour one are hard.

We do cosleep. We have a basket by the bed too, but more and more, we find that we all sleep in longer chunks if he's in the bed with us. Sadly, the side lying position just hasn't worked for us. Part of it is he's so tiny and my boob will suffocate him (I fear). And.... the real reason is he still needs the plastic nipple shield 95% of the time.

Thankfully, B is a mellow baby. He's clear about his needs and rarely fusses for the sake of fussing (or, rather, can't be quieted down by something obvious). I have enough baby experience to know that we lucked out! But having my own babe 24/7 is not the same as nannying, so .... I think my endurance needs some work. :)

[thekitchenvixen.livejournal.com]

You'll get used to it for sure. And slowly your nursing relationship will get stronger and easier. Trust me, soon enough he will be popping on and off the breast as he pleases throughout the night! Sidelying will work eventually, I'm sure.

Sorry you've been overwhelmed. I know it is really hard to have any type of logical train of thought when you have children, ESPECIALLY when said child(ren) are in your presence. I think its natures way - to block out any thoughts that interfere with our instincts to care for our child(ren) and nourish/protect them 24/7. Its hard to fight!

I'm sure you'll find a reasonable balance soon enough.

[honeyrider.livejournal.com]

in my experience, a newborn baby = potted plant. boring. i remember my mom telling me to enjoy the calm before mobility and personality emerge, and in the back of my head i'd think - "are you serious? all she does is eat, poop, cry, and sleep. what's so enjoyable about this mothering a newborn business?"

around 3-4 months, the real smiles come. the fake cries to get your attention. the recognition when they see your face or hear you voice. little bits of personality. and parenting becomes, well, fun. by 6 months i was thrilled to have a little person to take care of.

it'll get fun. promise. just take it easy for now.


ETA: feeding frenzy is fleeting too. those 2 hour nursing sessions are generally down to 15-30 minutes by 6 months. [well, our pre-bed one wasn't, but after months of 10 hour nursing days, i didn't care much.] if you don't mind me chiming in with a suggestion -- did you try eating dinner and watching a movie when you feed him in the evening? reading and internet made the day-time ones easier to deal with.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Benn's already got different cries. I can tell when he's just "crying to make some noise" verses something being wrong (wet or hungry) or pissed (taking off his clothes). That's nice. I still think he's the cutest ever, but I can tell I'm running on mommy-evolution rather than something based on interest. If that makes sense. Adam and I joke that his cuteness is just a ploy for warmth and food.

I'm also impatient for his smile, because the few times he does it (as he's falling asleep) it's freakishly cute and so impish. I want to see mooooore!

[honeyrider.livejournal.com]

they are the cutest ever from the moment they are born, just not funnest ever. ha, ian and i used to say the same thing about elly. she surely wasn't getting by on her personality!

re: the dinner thing - the all-day, mid-night feedings were killer, but i grew to rather enjoy "family dinner" time. we'd make dinner and watch a movie while elly ate. not most comfortable but definitely sweet.

reply to edit

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah... my internet usage is WAAAAY up with this nursing thing! And without fail he wants to eat when we have dinner. That's a hard one because it's awkward to eat and nurse, but also sweet because it's like family dinner time.