Sex while parenting: a tragicomedy

[theatokos]

Last night Bennett fell asleep at 7.45. Adam and I thought that we could FINALLY get some action AND get to bed early. Oh my god, hope of hopes.

B is asleep in his basket beside the bed. The lights are off. We are attacking each other like the starving creatures we are.

"Hand me the lube," I tell Adam.

He reaches over to the Fun Drawer and hands me a little bottle. I squirt some in my hand and rub myself down, only to wonder what the hell is wrong with me now. Why is it burning like that?!

Hand sanitzer.


After flushing my nether regions with cold water, laughing at the dumb luck, and reassuring Adam that I'm fine. We get back to business. And business is going well. Very well. Oh yes! Well, I say! Very, ver-

"WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Bennett wakes up from a dead sleep in full on scream. Bennett hates mommy and/or is systematically waging a war to remain an only child.

Adam gets up to quiet him down. It's typical for B to wake up 30-60 minutes into his night time sleep and then fall back asleep.

Two hours later Bennett is back asleep. But so am I.

Comments

[erinya.livejournal.com]

...I am torn between laughter and genuine sympathy here.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Oh please laugh, because otherwise it is just so sad.

[snowcalla.livejournal.com]

It doesn't get much better when they are older. *laughs* When Justin was about 4 he came runing into my room yelling "Mommy, mommy - It's OK! You're just having a nightmare" I wasn't having a nightmare, I was having some pretty awesome sex and I thought I was being quiet.

[teamrose.livejournal.com]

Having had one of those moments, this made me LOL.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA!

Oh then that doesn't bode well for me either! Assuming we ever get to have sex again...

[honeyrider.livejournal.com]

i feel really bad for you... but damn, that's funny.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am glad my sense of humor is still intact. I was laughing while also clutching my lady parts as I ran to the bathroom.

[keypike.livejournal.com]

Ouch!

We call Henry the 'sex police' because he never fails to start fussing when we get started.

[teamrose.livejournal.com]

Reading this made me squeeze my thighs shut, tight! Ouch!

This made me remember the time I bought R this Play Longer lubricant, which to our suprise was a numbing agent. I totally forgot and during oral I realized my entire mouth felt chubby and numb.

[ladyartemisa.livejournal.com]

oh my... this is so funny but so awful.

[so-sporktastic.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God.

I don't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for you. :(

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Laugh. Gotta laugh.

[sapphire-kittum.livejournal.com]

Hand sanitizer lol! I bet you probably didn't even have that before Bennett was born. Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh.... but that was funny. Sorry that it didn't work out.

[miss-swamp.livejournal.com]

Ohgod, that's awful. I'm laughing, yes, and checking the nightstands for corrosive substances, and sympathizing completely.

Aren't you glad you don't also live with either of your parents?

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

HA! For soooooo many reasons.

[livingdeadpan.livejournal.com]

Awesome.

L went for an OB checkup a few weeks after the twins' birth, at which time he assured her that she was okay to start having sex again.

Um, yeah. Start. :D

But yes, time and energy are rare.

[kimsansf.livejournal.com]

been there done that... well, not with the hand sanitizer... LOL!

[(Anonymous)]

This is SO, SO funny!!