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I finally saw "Twilight"
I am putting this behind a cut, because I am about to let fall some motherfucking rain on this Twilight parade.
I'm not sure where to begin. I've started this five times. My first reaction is "OH MY FUCKING GOD, THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN." Yes, it warrants all caps. Because I am screaming inside my head. But I know it's not the worst movie I've ever seen, nor the most offensive. It's on par with Sukiyaki Western Django - a prettily made, mostly incoherent, deliciously filmed, woman-hating waste of celluloid. Yes, I think Twilight is that bad. Sure, it's just some sparkly fantasy film, what's so wrong with that? This film (and probably the books too, but I couldn't get past the first 5 pages, the writing was so awful. High school students write better than Stephanie Meyer) ensnares women and makes them complicit in their own oppression. Oh yeah, this film is a tool of the patriarchy if ever there was one.
First, let's get the good things out of the way. The movie is beautifully shot. Holy crap, I'm moving to Forks. Right after I get back from Wales. Except Forks will be overrun with mopey teenage girls from here on out, so scratch that. The landscape was a silent character in this film, and I am grateful to the director (a woman, woot!) for capturing the beauty of the Pacific North West. This is my kind of landscape! Bring on the old growth, the high overcast skies, and 2 million different shades of grey and green! The high school students actually look like high school students and are nice. This story is not about stereotypical high school cliches. Saints preserve me, I get so bored with that stuff. Have I mentioned the movie is beautifully shot?
Ok, now to the stuff that sucks, in ascending order.
1) The film is narrated. Much of the narration is awful.
2) No continuity with vampire lore. I am aware that all vampire tales twist the "accepted" vampire traits (it's debatable that these even exist), but this one really did a number on the lore. A vampire movie in which the vamps can go out in daylight (but not direct sun - they SPARKLE), can be seen in mirrors, can enter houses with out permission and DON'T ACTUALLY BITE ANYONE is ludicrous.
But this is the least of the issues. I'm open to re-interpretation.
3) Plot issues. This story has some serious holes. What's the motivation for a self-made family of vampires to band together and become "vegetarian"? That's interesting! We never find out. Bella's mother and step-dad are driving around for spring training, but baseball season has already started. Worst of all, there is no buy in for us regarding the relationship or the action scenes near the end. The tension doesn't exist and is formulaic, as if Meyer thought "oh Edward and Bella will just be IRREVOCABLY drawn toward one another and that will be hot. Ooh, I need an action scene here." There's just nothing to invest in. Nothing.
4) Bella is morbidly bland. She smiles maybe twice in the film. I disliked her from the beginning. All those nice kids are being cool and she just mopes off. What's your damage, Bella? She acts like there's some big trauma in her life, but no. She's just unlikeable. AND SHE HAS NO THOUGHTS. When Edward says that she's the only person whose thoughts he can't read, I almost choked from laughter. (It's a good thing I didn't see this in the theatre or I'd have been that jack ass ruining the movie for all of you.) Of course he can't read her thoughts! SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
5) Which leads me to the worst, most insidious aspect of this film. Bella has no agency. She is a victim. She is a passive, mopey girl to whom things happen, who has men making decisions for her. As I wrote on my facebook update, abstinence porn is just another way of glorifying abusive relationships.
In several scenes Bella's father is sitting around while Bella is tidying up the kitchen or getting her father a beer.
This everygirl longs to be special, who doesn't? Every girl longs to be different, more special, unique, chosen by the hottest person in the school and made to feel safe and desirable. Sure. I get that. Me too. Still.
But Bella falls for mystery and good looks. What else is there to fall in love with? There is no relationship in this story. Hot guy tells her she has no thoughts. Hot guy tells her he's dangerous. "Oh but I'm not scared!" she cries, as they stand in a secluded forest location while he tells her of all the reasons she should stay away. But no. She wants danger. So far it's maddeningly formulaic and at best, the girl is vapid. But Bella continues to be helpless and passive. Edward's been stalking her for weeks, watching her sleep. During the big kiss scene he actually tells her to "be still, don't move." HE is going to kiss HER. When she gets turned on, he has to pull away. Good thing he has the strength to stop ("I'm stronger than I realized.") because she sure didn't! Men are strong and protective, women are weak and passionate. He is constantly protecting her from stuff she just doesn't understand.
But it gets worse. In the climax scenes, Bella is bleeding heavily, writhing like she's having an orgasm. (This is abstinence porn so the girl's gotta get some eventually, right? But she should suffer a little for it, don't you think?) The choice is for her turn into a vamp or remain human. Bella never gets to weigh in on what she wants, the men decide for her. Then in the hospital, Edward tells her where she should live. He can't control himself, he's nothing but trouble, SHE needs to leave. But no! He is her LIFE. She can't live without him!
And at prom, she tells Edward what she wants: to be a vamp and be with him forever. But he's got the control because she can't become a vamp with out him or his permission. He says no, "don't want to grow old with me?" Oh sure, she can wait.
Sounds like a controlling, abusive relationship to me.
Women every where are EATING THIS SHIT UP like it's fucking Shakespeare. This kills me.
A large part of me wishes I had never seen this movie. Seeing this movie made me love Let the Right One In even more.
I'm not sure where to begin. I've started this five times. My first reaction is "OH MY FUCKING GOD, THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN." Yes, it warrants all caps. Because I am screaming inside my head. But I know it's not the worst movie I've ever seen, nor the most offensive. It's on par with Sukiyaki Western Django - a prettily made, mostly incoherent, deliciously filmed, woman-hating waste of celluloid. Yes, I think Twilight is that bad. Sure, it's just some sparkly fantasy film, what's so wrong with that? This film (and probably the books too, but I couldn't get past the first 5 pages, the writing was so awful. High school students write better than Stephanie Meyer) ensnares women and makes them complicit in their own oppression. Oh yeah, this film is a tool of the patriarchy if ever there was one.
First, let's get the good things out of the way. The movie is beautifully shot. Holy crap, I'm moving to Forks. Right after I get back from Wales. Except Forks will be overrun with mopey teenage girls from here on out, so scratch that. The landscape was a silent character in this film, and I am grateful to the director (a woman, woot!) for capturing the beauty of the Pacific North West. This is my kind of landscape! Bring on the old growth, the high overcast skies, and 2 million different shades of grey and green! The high school students actually look like high school students and are nice. This story is not about stereotypical high school cliches. Saints preserve me, I get so bored with that stuff. Have I mentioned the movie is beautifully shot?
Ok, now to the stuff that sucks, in ascending order.
1) The film is narrated. Much of the narration is awful.
2) No continuity with vampire lore. I am aware that all vampire tales twist the "accepted" vampire traits (it's debatable that these even exist), but this one really did a number on the lore. A vampire movie in which the vamps can go out in daylight (but not direct sun - they SPARKLE), can be seen in mirrors, can enter houses with out permission and DON'T ACTUALLY BITE ANYONE is ludicrous.
But this is the least of the issues. I'm open to re-interpretation.
3) Plot issues. This story has some serious holes. What's the motivation for a self-made family of vampires to band together and become "vegetarian"? That's interesting! We never find out. Bella's mother and step-dad are driving around for spring training, but baseball season has already started. Worst of all, there is no buy in for us regarding the relationship or the action scenes near the end. The tension doesn't exist and is formulaic, as if Meyer thought "oh Edward and Bella will just be IRREVOCABLY drawn toward one another and that will be hot. Ooh, I need an action scene here." There's just nothing to invest in. Nothing.
4) Bella is morbidly bland. She smiles maybe twice in the film. I disliked her from the beginning. All those nice kids are being cool and she just mopes off. What's your damage, Bella? She acts like there's some big trauma in her life, but no. She's just unlikeable. AND SHE HAS NO THOUGHTS. When Edward says that she's the only person whose thoughts he can't read, I almost choked from laughter. (It's a good thing I didn't see this in the theatre or I'd have been that jack ass ruining the movie for all of you.) Of course he can't read her thoughts! SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
5) Which leads me to the worst, most insidious aspect of this film. Bella has no agency. She is a victim. She is a passive, mopey girl to whom things happen, who has men making decisions for her. As I wrote on my facebook update, abstinence porn is just another way of glorifying abusive relationships.
In several scenes Bella's father is sitting around while Bella is tidying up the kitchen or getting her father a beer.
This everygirl longs to be special, who doesn't? Every girl longs to be different, more special, unique, chosen by the hottest person in the school and made to feel safe and desirable. Sure. I get that. Me too. Still.
But Bella falls for mystery and good looks. What else is there to fall in love with? There is no relationship in this story. Hot guy tells her she has no thoughts. Hot guy tells her he's dangerous. "Oh but I'm not scared!" she cries, as they stand in a secluded forest location while he tells her of all the reasons she should stay away. But no. She wants danger. So far it's maddeningly formulaic and at best, the girl is vapid. But Bella continues to be helpless and passive. Edward's been stalking her for weeks, watching her sleep. During the big kiss scene he actually tells her to "be still, don't move." HE is going to kiss HER. When she gets turned on, he has to pull away. Good thing he has the strength to stop ("I'm stronger than I realized.") because she sure didn't! Men are strong and protective, women are weak and passionate. He is constantly protecting her from stuff she just doesn't understand.
But it gets worse. In the climax scenes, Bella is bleeding heavily, writhing like she's having an orgasm. (This is abstinence porn so the girl's gotta get some eventually, right? But she should suffer a little for it, don't you think?) The choice is for her turn into a vamp or remain human. Bella never gets to weigh in on what she wants, the men decide for her. Then in the hospital, Edward tells her where she should live. He can't control himself, he's nothing but trouble, SHE needs to leave. But no! He is her LIFE. She can't live without him!
And at prom, she tells Edward what she wants: to be a vamp and be with him forever. But he's got the control because she can't become a vamp with out him or his permission. He says no, "don't want to grow old with me?" Oh sure, she can wait.
Sounds like a controlling, abusive relationship to me.
Women every where are EATING THIS SHIT UP like it's fucking Shakespeare. This kills me.
A large part of me wishes I had never seen this movie. Seeing this movie made me love Let the Right One In even more.
no subject
no worries. :)