theatokos: (Default)
theatokos ([personal profile] theatokos) wrote2009-04-11 09:52 pm

I read it

On Thursday, I had the morning to myself. I went for a walk to a nearby cafe - just to get out of the house like I used to. When the used book store across the street opened, I decided I would read Twilight only if they had a copy, right then, used. Two gentlemen were working at the store. The one shelving books said they were entirely out of all the Twilight books used. "But," said the man behind the counter, "we just got all these in, let me check the stacks." At the bottom of stack number two was a copy of Twilight. I handed over my $6 and, voila.

Two days later, done. Below are my thoughts.

1. I retract nothing - not one thing - from my review of the movie.

2. I am surprised fans of the books haven't tracked down the director and screenwriter of the film and stabbed them to death in their sleep. The movie has to be one of the worst - and most insulting! - adaptations of all time.

3. In the book Bella actually has some personality and pluck. She is waaaaaaay more interesting than in the movie. And the story is actually pretty sweet and interesting in concept. I am a fan of the vampire tale; this did have some appeal.

4. The writing is truly abysmal. In fact, I am STUNNED that this got published. Basically, this should inspire us all to get writing, because if Ms Meyer can make her fortune as an author, so can we all. No, really, I am not joking. The writing is entirely "telling" - there is no subtlety, no "showing." The first third is awkward, though innocuous enough; at one point she tries the tiniest form of narrative sophistication and manages to confuse a page's worth of prose. Which makes me wonder where the hell the editor was. My god, imagine how awful the writing was BEFORE the editing!

Once Edward and Bella start driving everydamnwhere and Ms Meyer starts explaining every damn detail the book takes a dramatic turn for the worse. This book should have been written in third person. The story of how Carlisle came to be a vampire would have been a wonderful flash back. The third part of the book - the climax, as it were - is a cheap, and late to the game, attempt at plot. There's no tension there at all, because other vampires are so not a part of this story and they appear out of the blue.

There were several points in the story where I got the impression that Ms Meyer intended us to feel one way about a scene or a bit of dialogue (mostly I got this impression regarding Edward), but she is such a bad writer that I don't think she could convey her intention.

This is all a shame because, once I realized that the book was not the horrific feminist abyss the movie was, there was a small part of me rooting for a good story. Alas, disappointment won the day.

5. The enormous snob that I am still can't figure out how so very many people adore these books. I can't even use the half-assed "at least be grateful they're reading" phrase, because the writing is so awful I don't think this counts. But my brain did not melt! Probably because what ever could have been melted was already decimated by the movie.

[identity profile] seaivy.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 12:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I most certainly do NOT plan to read the book. Never thought I would lol. I love your review.

[identity profile] readthisandweep.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 12:11 pm (UTC)(link)

Points for perseverence! Well done (I think) for actually reading the damn thing.

*The writing is truly abysmal. In fact, I am STUNNED that this got published. Basically, this should inspire us all to get writing, because if Ms Meyer can make her fortune as an author, so can we all. No, really, I am not joking.

Brava! My own small offering may not be great literature but if one is simply judging it on the writing, mine is head & shoulders above that of Ms Meyer. And I failed to find either an agent or a publisher.

*The enormous snob that I am still can't figure out how so very many people adore these books. I can't even use the half-assed "at least be grateful they're reading" phrase, because the writing is so awful I don't think this counts. But my brain did not melt! Probably because what ever could have been melted was already decimated by the movie

LOL! Vive la snobs! And I knew before I read to the end of this paragraph that you were going to say your brain had melted before you got to the book! ROFL!

[identity profile] honeyrider.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 01:45 pm (UTC)(link)
did you notice how every time meyer wanted to convey a edwards' intention in a scene the line after bella's was always -- "bella noticed delight/deceit/thoughtfulness/hunger/etc in his eyes"? it cracked me up.

i wouldn't say i adore the books [couldn't even get through the last one and skimmed to the end], but i did enjoy the first book. like i said before, it was my burger king.

[identity profile] calizen.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 04:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Hah, Burger King. I like that.

[identity profile] ewigweibliche.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 05:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Absolutely. Plane reading at it's very best!

[identity profile] honeyrider.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 10:19 pm (UTC)(link)
almost completely off-topic -- did you ever read "the last of the mohicans?"



[identity profile] ewigweibliche.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 11:54 pm (UTC)(link)
No. Should I? Have you? I've only ever seen the movie... maybe when I was in high school?

[identity profile] honeyrider.livejournal.com 2009-04-13 01:49 am (UTC)(link)
i was just curious as to what your take on it was had you read it and seen the movie. unsurprisingly, it's an incredibly misogynistic novel yet somehow the movie translation managed to be a lot less so while remaining somewhat true to the book. /random curiosity. :]

[identity profile] imp-of-satan.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 04:16 pm (UTC)(link)
See, I thought the movie told the story much better than the book. I've been afraid to say that anywhere else in fear of rabid Twilight fans!

I totally agree that the writing was horrid. If I read "His face was indescribable," one more time in my life I am going to scream. If it was indescribable, don't bother mentioning it fer chrissakes!

The movie followed the book pretty well, and had the benefit of sparing us the terrifying writing style.

[identity profile] ewigweibliche.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 05:22 pm (UTC)(link)
I do suspect that by creating the visual of the book, the sexism just couldn't hide. You may be right that it captured a more accurate sense of the story!

[identity profile] calizen.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 04:32 pm (UTC)(link)
The long history of people who can read, is filled with people who read -- stuff. I think the 1800s here had the Penny Dreadfuls. There are thousands of books that people have loved reading which have as much substance as marshmallows.

My only consolation is that this is something that's gone on forever and is probably like Easter candy. Here today and gone tomorrow.

[identity profile] ewigweibliche.livejournal.com 2009-04-12 05:20 pm (UTC)(link)
True. And snobs have always existed too!

[identity profile] donkeyfly.livejournal.com 2009-04-13 04:08 pm (UTC)(link)
I definitely have been avoiding the Twilight thing. Maybe I'll read it some day for some fluff reading. Luckily, though, I know no teenage girls, so I don't have anyone pestering me to read it, unlike when The Da Vinci Code came out.

I got really pissed off at the extreme excitement that book caused. I definitely felt a lot of the same frustrations that you're expressing here regarding crap writing.

[identity profile] ewigweibliche.livejournal.com 2009-04-13 10:57 pm (UTC)(link)
When I started grad school the Da Vinci Code had been out for about a year, I think. When people asked me what I was going for (feminist theology), they always replied "Oh, like the Da Vinci Code! What do you think of that book?" I could have cried.

[identity profile] readthisandweep.livejournal.com 2009-04-14 10:54 am (UTC)(link)

Tragically, I was given the book by a teenage girl (who I adore, so felt I had to read it!)

I made an initial foray into someone else's copy of T** D* V**** C*** (I cannot speak it's name for fear I may be compelled to kill someone - Dan Brown probably - by opening a vein in their neck...) only to be repelled very quickly.

Perhaps it's us & our LJ host is right, we're just literary snobs!


[identity profile] sapphire-kittum.livejournal.com 2009-04-13 09:58 pm (UTC)(link)
I haven't seen the movie yet, but if it's anything like other books that have been made into movies.... well yes.... let the stabbing begin. They never get it right.

I'm going to go against the grain of what everyone else has said. I read the whole Twilight series and I quite enjoyed it. It was light hearted and fun. I thought the last book was the best of the series. I didn't care that her interpretation of vampires was different to the traditional vampire; it's a work of fiction. I didn't care that there were some slow parts in the books, I thought it helped tell the story.

You know, as much as you critisize the book, you have to admit, you did get sucked in by the hype..... just a little bit. You watched the movie, you bought the book, you read it. You might not have been a fan of either, but you still got sucked in by the hype. Advertising, hey? :p It's alright, I got sucked in by the hype too.

(Please don't stab me)



[identity profile] ewigweibliche.livejournal.com 2009-04-13 10:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Well I don't know if I got sucked in by the hype. The movie has been out for months. I had just seen Let the Right One In (oh wow, so excellent) and was on a vampire kick (when am I not?). I DID want something light, but I had no idea.... no idea how bad it was going to be. I just wrote what I knew!

[identity profile] sapphire-kittum.livejournal.com 2009-04-14 01:12 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for not stabbing me. :)

The movie has been out for months over there? Wow, it hasn't even been released here yet. I'm interested to see "Let the Right One In" though, I will have to Google it. :D

[identity profile] readthisandweep.livejournal.com 2009-04-14 11:02 am (UTC)(link)

*You know, as much as you critisize the book, you have to admit, you did get sucked in by the hype.....

Unfortunately & frustratingly, you have a point. My excuse is that someone else gave me the book. I could have simply ignored it (or had the courage of my convictions & told my fourteen year old friend why the Twilight series is misogynist bollocks.)

I did neither. And that says something about me. I watch soap opera sometimes too & try very hard to convince myself that because I can take it or leave it, that somehow makes it more acceptable.

Even though you liked the book & I loathed it, I promise not to stab you :) I'm a Witch; we do hexing... (Sorry Ma... only joking...)

[identity profile] sapphire-kittum.livejournal.com 2009-04-14 09:24 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm a witch too! :D Nice to meet you.

[identity profile] readthisandweep.livejournal.com 2009-04-15 09:25 am (UTC)(link)

Cool! Nice to meet you too! And I do hope you realize I absolutely was joking about the hexing! ;)

[identity profile] sapphire-kittum.livejournal.com 2009-04-15 09:57 am (UTC)(link)
Of course! ;)