Again, I agree absolutely. I think patriarchy fucks it up for men too. I am really really blessed to have so many wonderful men in my life - all different kinds, expressing themselves in complex ways, unafraid to be vulnerable and strong and dorky and "manly" and "feminine" all in one bundle. Just as I know women who embody so many complex aspects of being human. Patriarchy isn't about me being anti-man, it's really anti-powers that be and the uncritical social forces that encourage the status quo, usually to maintain unjust systems of power and the bottom line.
As for me and my issues with having a boy..... it's hard to talk about because, again, I agree with you and in one part of me I totally get excited about this little life in me. I know I will be so excited to meet him - I am already. His father is an incredible example of what it means to be a man in this world, as is his namesake/uncle, and I couldn't be more confident that he's got a great headstart in the world.
But, sadly, it does raise some black murky gunk that's not had to be dealt with until now. I'm constantly surprised at my own anger and issues, as well as disappointed in my own disappointment! Clearly, I've got some reverse sexism going on! I admit it and I'm working to deal with it before my little guy arrives.
I want to add to all of this that your perspectives and experiences are of immense value to me. I think you are incredibly thoughtful and bold - qualities I admire in all of my friends. I love that we don't agree on everything, but we seem to agree on the fundamental principles, we just want those things maybe expressed slightly differently.
And thanks for the stern talking to about my boy. As a hot-head, I need that from time to time!
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branchandroot
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Date: 2008-03-26 05:20 pm (UTC)As for me and my issues with having a boy..... it's hard to talk about because, again, I agree with you and in one part of me I totally get excited about this little life in me. I know I will be so excited to meet him - I am already. His father is an incredible example of what it means to be a man in this world, as is his namesake/uncle, and I couldn't be more confident that he's got a great headstart in the world.
But, sadly, it does raise some black murky gunk that's not had to be dealt with until now. I'm constantly surprised at my own anger and issues, as well as disappointed in my own disappointment! Clearly, I've got some reverse sexism going on! I admit it and I'm working to deal with it before my little guy arrives.
I want to add to all of this that your perspectives and experiences are of immense value to me. I think you are incredibly thoughtful and bold - qualities I admire in all of my friends. I love that we don't agree on everything, but we seem to agree on the fundamental principles, we just want those things maybe expressed slightly differently.
And thanks for the stern talking to about my boy. As a hot-head, I need that from time to time!