A Fresh Start

More photos here

For those who are interested in that sort of thing.

Returned late Wed. night. Miraculously my mac is working and there is internet to be jacked. Thank you to all for your well wishes. The wedding was a week ago today and I could not have asked for better weather. My mum tells me that if we had gotten married today none of the family would have been able to make it off the island - it's been so foggy they can't see the ferries pass in front of the island! They day itself was the perfect mix of sunshine and clouds, breeze and warmth. A limo picked up the wedding party from our respective "getting ready" places and we had time to kill so we stopped by a liquor store and procured two bottles of champagne: one for the ride to the glacier and one for the post-wedding ride to the reception. I highly recommend this to all who are planning a wedding. Takes the edge off and provides room for much laughter. Having a slightly tipsy wedding party is a good thing, in my book.

The reception too was nice. As it turns out I am glad we did not have a band play. Everyone was chatting away and angrynewcomer's jazz playlist and miss_ogony's more upbeat selections were just perfect for conversation.

There will be picture soon. Promise.

However, upon my return all the stress has finally caught up with me. I have been ill for a few days. It's nice to be back in California, as this is where my life is and where most of my friends are these days. There is an energy here that gets me amped up for my life. Although, the peace and beauty of South East Alaska feed that still place inside my soul. I miss the myriad shades of grey and green that the ocean and rain forest provide. Still, though, it's nice to count on sunshine every day - especially when one only has a bike for transportation.

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In other news, I have read numerous books inthe last two and half weeks:

*A book on Meher Baba, the title I forget. He is considered the Avatar, a reincarnation of Jesus, Muhammad and other great sages. I enjoyed reading this a lot. Much of what I like about Jesus was present in Meher Baba's own life, words and deeds. Much of what irritates me about Jesus was also present, but I found those things (a dislikeable self-righteousness, a need for unquestioning obedience, calling God 'He,' and a tendency to only teach and assist men. In fact Jesus may have more interactions with women than were noted in this book on Meher Baba.) less acceptable in this day and age.

*Two Jasper Fforde books, The Big Over-Easy and The Well of Lost Plots. Sheer ridiculous bookish silliness. Mind candy for those obsessed with books, especially detective genre fiction.

*An Agatha Christie mystery - something about murder in Iraq, Hercule Poirot, archeology, and bludgeoning.

*Jay McInerney's Bacchus and Me. Fantastic essays on wine. Makes me want to buy a bottle of everything he talks about so I can follow along better. After reading this book I also suspect that I have never had really good champagne. And I am reminded that I know shit about French and Italian wines.

*Eat Pray Love. I found this book Thursday morning at the place where Adam and I had breakfast on our way to get groceries. I need to mail it back to the woman who left it there since it had pay stubs, a pay check and other items in it marking her spot. I devoured this book in less than 24 hrs. It's fantastic. It's a spiritual memoir/travel journal book, but doesn't fall into the generic pretentiousness of most modern memoirs. If you love travel, yoga, Italy, India or Bali, I highly recommend this. goddessofmercy I'm looking right at you.

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Lastly, I did not get in. However, I made it past the first cull and I had only once suggestion on my feedback sheet for improvement: more depth. This is easily fixable: more singing. I cannot believe that nothing else was listed. None of the musicianship stuff I feared I'd bungled came up! I am not disappointed at all by this news. The audition was the most successful I've ever had and my schedule is much, much more free this year than it would otherwise be. And there's always next year. After more singing.

The days are flying. Life is moving at a brisk clip. Wedding stuff continues to move forward and I am doing my best to stick to my guns about what Adam and I want and not do things "just because they are done that way." It's all very exciting.

I occasionally struggle with the whole idea of getting married and having a wedding at all. One one hand, I love ritual, I love parties and gatherings of all my favorite people, I love commitment. I also love Adam and the legal aspect was very important to him (realistically, should we ever have kids, it's also a good idea). On the other hand, the legal institution of marriage is problematic from a feminist point of view and the wedding ceremony is certainly not feminist at all (historically and globally marriage has been and is down right slavery for women, but I am not in that position at all, thankfully). I have insisted that no bride/groom or wife/husband language be used. I will not be given away. Etc. No language about covenants or spiritual mandates or obedience or whatnot will be employed either, thankfully Adam advocated these things.

But still. Weddings, heterosexuality, patriarchy. It's all linked. And were I better blogger (does this LJ thing really even count as a blog?) and a better writer and more focused I might be able to write as critically on the issue as Twisty Faster does or the fine writers at Feministe do. One day I shall have a computer and internet at home like the other inhabitants of the 21st century and I won't be compelled to squeeze my ideas in between phone calls and bills and patrons as I do at work.

Also, the contacts quest continues and my mother arrives tonight for 5 days. Yay Mum! I am looking forward to it.

It's much prettier here when everything is green. March made this place look downright dismal. It's light even at 1am. Flying up here, it was dark when we left Seattle at 10pm. As we flew north the horizon kept getting brighter and lighter, like a sunset in reverse.

Hangin' with the fam is great. My nieces are really fabulous girls. My brother-in-law even said he hoped I could rub off on the eldest as she is a little timid and easily swayed. Sa-weet! Let the corruption begin! I think the first act of subversion was wandering into a Hot Topic store (they had Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends merch- total impulse buy). She picked out a skull and crossbones headband, but said ick to all of the clothes. Phew.

Also yesterday: saw a moose munching by the side of the highway.

The wedding is this evening and I'm very excited. The Future Gov's intended is such a wonderful guy, his family is so welcoming, and both he and Future Gov positively glowed at the rehearsal yesterday.

I am thoroughly distracted with planning my wedding. T minus 6 weeks 'til I leave for Juneau and 7 weeks 'til the big day. Planning a wedding in another state is stressful. Thinking about the credit card debt (and this is no big white industry wedding either) is also stressful. So is trying to figure out how to get a student loan for a foreign school in the next 6 weeks.

In the meantime, Adam and I are doing some traveling. This weekend we are going to Seattle, where Adam shall visit the Pacific North West for the first time. On the schedule are such architectural marvels as the EMP and the Seattle Public Library. Also, the underground tour, which I've never done, a hike somewhere, a BBQ, and my favorite Capitol Hill places. Can't wait for the green, the trees, the North West feel, and even a face or two from Alaska.

I have only two interesting things going on in my life. (Not counting getting ready to go to Alaska. That greatly interests me, but won't be very interesting to anyone else until I actually get there and can tell you about trees and bears and fish, etc.)

The first is, I am conducting my first ever interview in about 45 minutes. I have a cold and feel maxxed out just from my bike commute. I'm not sure if this will work to my advantage or not. My first impression tends to be very confident, appear as though I know exactly what I'm doing, be outgoing and cheerful, and occasionally intimidating. Everything I'd like to project as an interviewer. I wonder if being run down will make me seem insecure or severe. But, who cares what potential employee thinks? I'm the one in charge! Whee!

The second, and more fun and important, bit of news is that Adam and I have decided to get married. Again. We've decided on next June or July. Details are yet undiscussed, as I'm getting ready to leave and he's looking for a job. Nonetheless, I'm very much looking forward to spending my life this guy. Not that the wedding makes that more of a reality than it was last week, but I like ritual and a wedding will be nice. Plus, it's always a joy to have all your loved ones in one place for a fancy party.

Update The interview went well. A little boring and routine, not like the one I had when I applied here. Sassy Israeli Supervisor was amazing at that stuff. When she interviewed me it took an hour - which she considered on the short side. Mine took half an hour. Unfortunately, he won't be able to be hired. After double checking some of his references, it turns out he's worked mainly for porn studios (not as talent). Not that I care, but unfortunately our aging board will. I got a hearty laugh out of it. Tomorrow's interviewee is, I'm 75% sure, a transexual, MTF. That's much more doable for our board. I think. Can I pick 'em or what?

Relationships seem to be theme of converstaion these days. Adam and I are preparing for our wedding in 5 or so weeks. I am patching up a long lost relationship and learning about the last two years of her life, years which involve divorce, heartbreak, and healing. Yesterday the Retro Redhead discovered her big crush is much older than she thought and he too has been married and divorced. For a brief moment this morning I thought maybe everyone should get married and divorced at least once. There is a wisdom and a battle scar that comes from it that I would have mocked 10 years ago, but bear with me daily now, almost like a sign of my coming of age. When I was younger I was ashamed of being divorced, embarrassed because I screwed up, failed. Of course, I was so young that none of my other friends were married and I had nothing to compare it to. Now though, while not exactly proud of getting married while so incredibly naive, I have much more compassion for myself and for others. I was young! I don't wish divorce on anyone. My hope for people is that they find a relationship in which they can do their life's work, really struggle and grow and love together. And of course have some great sex. But sometimes it's only in the reality of marriage that one finds the limits and boundaries of that work. I certainly didn't know what was of the utmost importance to me, what actually worked- or didn't - when I tried to love and be loved. Earlier this week at a dinner with two of my oldest girl friends, one suggested that no one should get married before they're 30. For a successful marriage, maybe. Me, I am happy that I was married so young. I am now in the full swing of 30 and know how to make my upcoming marriage last. There are bound to be pitfalls and crises that I cannot forsee, but I know how to fight and love and be loved in ways that I couldn't ever have imagined in my early twenties. I also know that I am strong and resilient in ways I never would have discovered. Maybe everyone should have a great big supernova love when they're young so they can have a true lasting love when they hit their stride.

I am crushed out and blissed out and really fuckin' happy with the people in my life these days. The Icelandic scholar, the retro redhead, and the non-gendered justic worker make me happy every time we get together, which lately has been almost daily. I always wanted a loose but tight little circle of friends. It is wonderful to have vibrant independent women and non-gendered folk in my life.

And the men around here also warm my heart. Last year it was a rather juvenile frustrating affair. This year, there is a welcoming enthusiastic circle of men that get together and throw theme parties and host poker nights. The congregate in the quad and give hugs. And bonus points for them, they welcome Adam into the fold. They ask after him and invite him individually of me. This is how community ought to feel, I think.

Male or female, the support for our engagement has been beautiful. His family is really excited. His mother called and left an adorable message welcoming me into the family. I hope my parents don't crush my heart with their ambivalence. They still don't know. I'm not quite sure when they return to civilization. 8 years ago, the last time I was engaged, I don't remember this kind of enthusiasm or warmth. And for good reason, I just wish someone would have said "You two would be better off as friends." But I guess that was for me to realize. This time feels like the way it ought to have been.