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I've been thinking about being a bitch lately. My inner bitch. Bitchiness. I like being a bitch. But what exactly is a Bitch? I think of women who are confident, unrepentant in their strength and opinions, unafraid to take up space - emotionally, psychologically and physically, embracing their sexuality, determined, focused, dismissive of patriarchy and double-standards, smart (not always book smart, but it never hurts!), independent. But these words are often in conflict with traditional notions of femininity and even modern womanhood. Women, even if smart or strong or capable, shouldn't intimidate men (or other women, who are too often too quick to throw out the label), should always be a team player, should always be the first to say sorry, should not be loud or demanding. Sometimes being a bitch is used as an excuse for flat out bad manners or rudeness, anger undealt with, or plain meanness. Being bold and strong in no way means that I have to be rude or mean or unbalanced, although to people invested in my following the mainstream rules for being a woman or who are intimated by my choices, my attitudes can be confused with the negatively defined bitch.
Loosely related is the slut (pun intended - god, I'm so funny). The slut and the bitch are often conflated. The slut is the woman who is considered free, loose, immoral in her sexual choices, and we know how well patriarchy and main stream morality takes to the woman who chooses to be free sexually, making her own choices. Sadly, some people confuse promiscuity with feminism or bitchiness or freedom. I think being a bitch means choosing to act as one wishes to do so, not out of an idea that I'll gain power or access or approval, but because inversely, being free and powerful requires that I make my own choices.
I wish I were more comfortable with all of this in practice and not just in theory. I have a long way to go before I am acting completely out of my own genuine self and not diminishing my desires or tempering my ambitions out of a sense of fear or obligation. Another aspect of bitchiness I struggle with is finding the balance between being bold and steamrolling over others, stating my thoughts and being too judgemental. But man alive, it's hard to be a bitch and suffer fools.
I found this essay on the bitch to be most illuminating. I'd love to spark a discussion about bitchiness. Who you think is a good example of a bitch, and why?
Loosely related is the slut (pun intended - god, I'm so funny). The slut and the bitch are often conflated. The slut is the woman who is considered free, loose, immoral in her sexual choices, and we know how well patriarchy and main stream morality takes to the woman who chooses to be free sexually, making her own choices. Sadly, some people confuse promiscuity with feminism or bitchiness or freedom. I think being a bitch means choosing to act as one wishes to do so, not out of an idea that I'll gain power or access or approval, but because inversely, being free and powerful requires that I make my own choices.
I wish I were more comfortable with all of this in practice and not just in theory. I have a long way to go before I am acting completely out of my own genuine self and not diminishing my desires or tempering my ambitions out of a sense of fear or obligation. Another aspect of bitchiness I struggle with is finding the balance between being bold and steamrolling over others, stating my thoughts and being too judgemental. But man alive, it's hard to be a bitch and suffer fools.
I found this essay on the bitch to be most illuminating. I'd love to spark a discussion about bitchiness. Who you think is a good example of a bitch, and why?