(no subject)
Feb. 24th, 2009 01:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theatokosI'm feeling tired and spacey today. Bennett is full of energy and I feel like the most boring mama on the planet. B is 9 months old today. We were supposed to have his well baby check up today, but it's been postponed for 2 weeks. I'm just itching to find out how much he weighs. My guess is between 20 and 22 lbs. That little guy is such a delight. If only he'd quit being a squirmy worm at night.
***
Lent starts on Monday. With the exception of last year (I was pregnant) I've gone dry and vegan for Lent for the last.... 8 years? Something like that. It's a practice I really enjoy - even though I am not 100% successful at sticking to it. I have a hard time going with out dairy. I used to be strict Monday - Friday and allow myself a little dairy on weekends and that seemed to be the best way to actually stick to the spirit of the fast.
This year I'm not sure how much meaning the practice has for me any more. I still like the idea of a "spring cleaning." But it's a lot of work, going vegan. Do I really want to work on changing my habits for a full 6 weeks? Saying it that way makes me feel like changing up my habitual nature just might be the biggest benefit to the whole practice! I am reluctant to give it up, but I am equally unsure I have the energy for the effort it takes.
I remain undecided.
***
I've been waiting to hear back from my adviser before getting really set on this whole moving to Wales plan. Yesterday I contacted my secondary adviser. He said my main adviser is on sabbatical this term (she generally goes to Spain to work on translating a particular theologian's work), but could he do anything to help with the move? I feel silly waiting like this. I'm in the program - just go! Part of me feels like I'm doing the smart and cautious thing before packing up my family and moving continents. But there's a big chunk of me that wants an email from my adviser stating how excited she is - I want her approval and enthusiasm! Again, her enthusiasm would be helpful in our working relationship, but mostly I want it because I'm scared and want her approval. There it is.
Lately I'm noticing the many people from whom and situations in which I want approval. I feel icky and little bit surprised by it. I like to think of myself as some one who doesn't crave the approval of others, but.... that's not always so. In fact, I think I'm so used to generally getting along with people and generally being liked that when I sense some one might *not* like me I'm a little surprised. Which makes fucking up extremely difficult for me, because that's something other people do, not me. Sigh.
Maybe this is why I'm moody today. Too much change kicking off too much damn navel gazing.
I'm also a wee bit paralysed by the idea of moving to Wales. I occasionally have these "holy crap, what have I set in motion??" moments.
***
What else?
Fruit flies annoy me to no end and are so dreadfully difficult to eradicate.
***
Lent starts on Monday. With the exception of last year (I was pregnant) I've gone dry and vegan for Lent for the last.... 8 years? Something like that. It's a practice I really enjoy - even though I am not 100% successful at sticking to it. I have a hard time going with out dairy. I used to be strict Monday - Friday and allow myself a little dairy on weekends and that seemed to be the best way to actually stick to the spirit of the fast.
This year I'm not sure how much meaning the practice has for me any more. I still like the idea of a "spring cleaning." But it's a lot of work, going vegan. Do I really want to work on changing my habits for a full 6 weeks? Saying it that way makes me feel like changing up my habitual nature just might be the biggest benefit to the whole practice! I am reluctant to give it up, but I am equally unsure I have the energy for the effort it takes.
I remain undecided.
***
I've been waiting to hear back from my adviser before getting really set on this whole moving to Wales plan. Yesterday I contacted my secondary adviser. He said my main adviser is on sabbatical this term (she generally goes to Spain to work on translating a particular theologian's work), but could he do anything to help with the move? I feel silly waiting like this. I'm in the program - just go! Part of me feels like I'm doing the smart and cautious thing before packing up my family and moving continents. But there's a big chunk of me that wants an email from my adviser stating how excited she is - I want her approval and enthusiasm! Again, her enthusiasm would be helpful in our working relationship, but mostly I want it because I'm scared and want her approval. There it is.
Lately I'm noticing the many people from whom and situations in which I want approval. I feel icky and little bit surprised by it. I like to think of myself as some one who doesn't crave the approval of others, but.... that's not always so. In fact, I think I'm so used to generally getting along with people and generally being liked that when I sense some one might *not* like me I'm a little surprised. Which makes fucking up extremely difficult for me, because that's something other people do, not me. Sigh.
Maybe this is why I'm moody today. Too much change kicking off too much damn navel gazing.
I'm also a wee bit paralysed by the idea of moving to Wales. I occasionally have these "holy crap, what have I set in motion??" moments.
***
What else?
Fruit flies annoy me to no end and are so dreadfully difficult to eradicate.
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no subject
Date: 2009-02-24 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-24 11:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-24 11:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 12:36 am (UTC)My full term baby is 12 months now and a month ago he weighed 18lbs...
no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 01:05 am (UTC)...A perk of Lent, at least according to the Catholics, is that pregnant/nursing mothers don't need to fast.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 01:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 01:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 03:28 am (UTC)Same here. I almost have a phobia to being disliked.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 03:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 01:52 pm (UTC)I was just thinking about the exact same thing the other day. I don't know if it's motherhood that has made me extra sensitive to how others perceive me?
I can't believe B is 9 months old. I still clearly remember your post in the DDC that you thought you were going into labour and I was shocked that it was so early. I remember you being worried about how clean the house was. Heh.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-28 04:27 pm (UTC)