(no subject)

[theatokos]

Sometimes I feel like I have to choose: him or here. Past or future. Career or peace.

As I was flying up here, staring out the tiny plane window looking at the mountainous expanse of coastal Canada, I thought "Why do I have to leave? Why do you call me away? Why can't I feel you down there like I can up here?"

Every visit reveals more ugliness about this place and equally reminds me of all the beauty here and why I love it so much. But the last 12 months have been about letting go. I feel like I'm a toddler again and learning to swim. Letting go of the wall is scary because I'll float out into the pool and just have to tread water all by myself.

I don't like the either/or construct. I want to fashion a both/and situation.

Comments

[hangedwoman.livejournal.com]

Sometimes we only have room for so much, and sometimes that really, really bites. But sometimes we realize our hearts are so much larger than we ever thought possible. *hug*

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Thank you.