And how do we find the razor thin line between personal and physical autonomy, still so necessary in our world, and communal participation, still so necessary in our world?
This is a question I've been asking a lot lately. I have always prided myself in being an independent person, but have discovered lately that I let myself be defined by other people's needs and desires to a distressing degree. So much so that I sometimes can't even tell what desires are really mine and what are the reflections of others. Some of this is a function of being a ridiculously sensitive empath, some of it is because of my family history, and some of it is female socialization. It's frustrating, and it's made me become extra fierce in my self ownership...but I feel at odds with others when I'm fierce in this way, like I don't quite fit anymore, all sharp edges and raw corners. People react negatively to that and it reduces social harmony. So yeah, there is a balance and I have no idea where to find it.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2010-08-12 07:19 pm (UTC)This is a question I've been asking a lot lately. I have always prided myself in being an independent person, but have discovered lately that I let myself be defined by other people's needs and desires to a distressing degree. So much so that I sometimes can't even tell what desires are really mine and what are the reflections of others. Some of this is a function of being a ridiculously sensitive empath, some of it is because of my family history, and some of it is female socialization. It's frustrating, and it's made me become extra fierce in my self ownership...but I feel at odds with others when I'm fierce in this way, like I don't quite fit anymore, all sharp edges and raw corners. People react negatively to that and it reduces social harmony. So yeah, there is a balance and I have no idea where to find it.