Patriarchy's thumb in my pizza

[theatokos]

Last night those of us at the dinner table (in my home) were informed by my father-almost-in-law that grandpa would say the blessing. Too shocked to respond, participate, or head 'em off at the pass, I sat in stunned silence while Patriarchy's thumb plopped into my Zachary's pizza. Now, I'm all for grace. I think any tradition that brings more gratitude into the world is a good one. I did not grow up in a Christian household (you're confused? so am I!) and grace was never said in our home. However, when in other's homes, do as they do. Yet that rule did not seem to apply last night. It's nice to think my almost-in-laws have accepted me as part of their family, and I know no harm or offense was remotely intended. Still. I feel like any spiritual authority Adam or I may have in our home was overridden by the big ol' Patriarchy. Lots of Father and Lord and in the name of Jesus was spoken round my fine Ikea table last night. If I had been asked "We'd like to say grace" I probably would have said "Great! Grandpa would you like to say it?" But, no, I was informed.

I have not been so offended (unintentionally, I realize) in a long time. But this is also, as a deeply spiritual friend of mine suggested, also a big turning point in inter-generational relationship. While, the older generations treat Adam and I with respect, when it comes to family things they are used to having the authority, whether or not that's how they see it. However, their eldest son now has his own home and they have not yet made the mental leap, nor have we now that I come to think of it, of 'This is not our home. Adam and his partner have authority here.' It is helpful for me to think of this event in these terms.

In any case, we are exhausted. But hope was glimpsed! Dad made a decision about the agenda! He wants to see a silly show and therefore he is buying tickets for us all to see one. Menopause, the musical it is! Prior to this delight we will be eating at The Stinking Rose, a restaurant devoted to garlic. I am very much looking forward to this meal.

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On another note entirely, I will be away from the computer for a few days since I have the next two days off for Passover. Hag Sameach!

Comments

[hillpagan.livejournal.com]

I think it's funny that after sprinkling your house with patriarchal fairy dust your in-laws are taking you to a feminist musical.

Grace

[robroys.livejournal.com]

Zachary's Pizza...yummmmmmmmmm

Does it matter if you have a Zachary's Pizza to eat?

[pwilk.livejournal.com]

i was just at the 'Rose on Friday ... I am particularly fond of Silence of the Lamb Shank. My buddy *always* gets 40 clove chicken.

[alizarin71.livejournal.com]

I'm just getting caught up here ... in preparation for your interview.

I am also insulted, on your behalf. What I find most objectionable isn't patriarchy or conservatism per se: It's that saying grace is a host's function, and they took that over. Robroy's comment about being a good host has a flipside: guests should be good guests.

And if it's because they're older, well, all generations have a problem with pretending younger ones aren't adults ... and it's never okay.

Perhaps they were afraid no one would say grace at all, and found that too difficult to stomach; but even then they're choosing to be rude.