Patriarchy's thumb in my pizza

[theatokos]

Last night those of us at the dinner table (in my home) were informed by my father-almost-in-law that grandpa would say the blessing. Too shocked to respond, participate, or head 'em off at the pass, I sat in stunned silence while Patriarchy's thumb plopped into my Zachary's pizza. Now, I'm all for grace. I think any tradition that brings more gratitude into the world is a good one. I did not grow up in a Christian household (you're confused? so am I!) and grace was never said in our home. However, when in other's homes, do as they do. Yet that rule did not seem to apply last night. It's nice to think my almost-in-laws have accepted me as part of their family, and I know no harm or offense was remotely intended. Still. I feel like any spiritual authority Adam or I may have in our home was overridden by the big ol' Patriarchy. Lots of Father and Lord and in the name of Jesus was spoken round my fine Ikea table last night. If I had been asked "We'd like to say grace" I probably would have said "Great! Grandpa would you like to say it?" But, no, I was informed.

I have not been so offended (unintentionally, I realize) in a long time. But this is also, as a deeply spiritual friend of mine suggested, also a big turning point in inter-generational relationship. While, the older generations treat Adam and I with respect, when it comes to family things they are used to having the authority, whether or not that's how they see it. However, their eldest son now has his own home and they have not yet made the mental leap, nor have we now that I come to think of it, of 'This is not our home. Adam and his partner have authority here.' It is helpful for me to think of this event in these terms.

In any case, we are exhausted. But hope was glimpsed! Dad made a decision about the agenda! He wants to see a silly show and therefore he is buying tickets for us all to see one. Menopause, the musical it is! Prior to this delight we will be eating at The Stinking Rose, a restaurant devoted to garlic. I am very much looking forward to this meal.

*******
On another note entirely, I will be away from the computer for a few days since I have the next two days off for Passover. Hag Sameach!

Comments

[hillpagan.livejournal.com]

I think it's funny that after sprinkling your house with patriarchal fairy dust your in-laws are taking you to a feminist musical.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's hard to tell just how feminist it's going to be. I did laugh out loud at the irony. I expect that this show will suck tremendously, but who knows? It could be hilarious. I think it's pretty weird how there are musicals and shows around menopause, but who has yet written "Menarche! The action adventure musical"?

[erinya.livejournal.com]

"Menarche! The action adventure musical"

Too gory.

*hides*

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Maybe "Menarche - a bloody hilarious adventure!"

Hahahahahahahaha! I just crack myself up.

Grace

[robroys.livejournal.com]

Zachary's Pizza...yummmmmmmmmm

Does it matter if you have a Zachary's Pizza to eat?

Well, there you go

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Just like a man, to dismiss patriarchy in the face of food. :)
My friend, it always matters!

Re: Well, there you go

[robroys.livejournal.com]

Tough call. You want to get along with the psuedo-in-laws, but they should want to get along with you too. It is your place, so you should get to make the rules...right? I to remember from art herstory that there is something in the bible about respecting your elders. I also thought there was something about being a good host too. You know better than I.

I think shoving your religion in someone's face is rude. Especially in the home. Those door knocking evangelisits really torque me. But family in your own home? Best to just avoid/ignore it and eat that awesome pizza from Zachary's!

Zachary's...yummmmmmmmmm.

[pwilk.livejournal.com]

i was just at the 'Rose on Friday ... I am particularly fond of Silence of the Lamb Shank. My buddy *always* gets 40 clove chicken.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

You know, I was underwhelmed with the place. I think I am just too hard core when it comes to garlic. But, I could always try it again. I got the rabbit, mostly becuase I had never had rabbit before and I'm always up for trying a new thing. It was okay. The waiter was over the top. An older guy with much self importance, with pictures of his bunny suit and letter of invitation by the King of Jordan.

However, the meal was much better than the musical. "Theatre" at Fisherman's Wharf must be avoided at all costs.

[pwilk.livejournal.com]

funny that, I had the rabbit the last time too. i should have had the lamb. my buddy adores the place so it has become sort of a tradition for us to go when he's in town. i prefer, http://www.suppenkuche.com/, which he hates.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

hmmmm.... I'm starting to see a trend in your culinary tastes. Pork much?

[pwilk.livejournal.com]

um, not sure what you mean by that

[alizarin71.livejournal.com]

I'm just getting caught up here ... in preparation for your interview.

I am also insulted, on your behalf. What I find most objectionable isn't patriarchy or conservatism per se: It's that saying grace is a host's function, and they took that over. Robroy's comment about being a good host has a flipside: guests should be good guests.

And if it's because they're older, well, all generations have a problem with pretending younger ones aren't adults ... and it's never okay.

Perhaps they were afraid no one would say grace at all, and found that too difficult to stomach; but even then they're choosing to be rude.