Mating , and the human predicament

[theatokos]

Before I dive into the wonder of last night, let me post some links to a food blog and a food politics site that have lately captured my attention. I feel like I've fallen off the ethical food bandwagon in recent months, yet my freezer still has some fish that I caught in Alaska this summer and the CSA produce box that I get delivered every other week reminds of just how good clean food is. I am also reminded of what a food paradise California is. (Ending sentences with is can't be good.) I've thought about doing the 100 mile food challenge before. Doing it here would be relatively painless. Doing it in Alaska would be brutal, but could possibly be life altering, if not a miracle diet. I am debating doing it for a 2007 challenge. My spring looks pretty mellow, why not?

On to last night: Waiting for Godot (pronounced, we discovered, as God, oh) was incredible. It is Adam's favorite play and I only read it for the first time a couple of years ago when we first were dating. I was amused, sure, but not moved. I'm not sure it's a play one is moved by. Seeing it staged added a wonderful new dimension. Sparse, precise, and funny. I felt intellectually engaged, but shortly into the first few minutes I thought "I don't get it." Is this play a microcosmic meta-look at relationship? Our need for companionship and our existential inability to ever really relate to others? A statement of the never ending discomfort of this life and the futility of hope? Adam reminded me during intermission to stop thinking. Unfortunately, this only caused me to nod off for a few minutes in the second act, during Pozzo's return. I just couldn't keep my eyes open and after succumbing I felt much better for the rest of the act. If you've not read this strange play, I really recommend it. I'm sure Adam (epymetheus) will post about the show. It was his first ever viewing of the staged production. I'm really honored that I could make that happen for him.

While the play was great the reason I'll really remember last night is because it is the evening I gave in and decided I'm ready to get pregnant. Notice I didn't say "have a baby" - no way I'm ready for a kid. Good thing you get nine months to prepare. I have been fighting a primal urge to procreate for about a year now. Yesterday that urge crescendo-ed to new heights and I could ignore it no longer. This feeling is a new one for me. It doesn't stem from my intellect, for my brain says "Are you kidding me? A kid? You've got PhD work looming in the future and you have no money. Silly woman." The urge certainly isn't some need of my heart, for I've never been as full with love as I am now. Why complicate a good thing?

But as my sister and her husband tell me, as every parent I've ever asked has told me, there never is a good time to have a child. I figure next summer I'll be 32 and married. I've never been more emotionally stable, I've never been healthier. Adam says let's start trying next fall. As I told hrafntinna, it's sort of like getting engaged: we haven't set a date, but the intention is there. My womb says, Yes! Let's go. Let's do this thing.

Comments

[goddessofmercy.livejournal.com]

I'm sure Adam ([info]epymetheus) will post about the show. It was his first ever viewing of a staged production. I'm really honored that I could make that happen for him.

wow, i had no idea. i thought that he must have seen stuff before what with being chris' friend and a part of the drama program at uci, but apparently not. it's lovely that his first play was his favorite. hmmm, beckett, why am i not surprised that he loves beckett?

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Oops, not his first play ever, just his first viewing of this play. He really loves Beckett. He was quoting chunks of it on the BART ride home.

[goddessofmercy.livejournal.com]

I figure next summer I'll be 32 and married. I've never been more emotionally stable, I've never been healthier. Adam says let's start trying next fall. As I told [info]hrafntinna, it's sort of like getting engaged: we haven't set a date, but the intention is there. My womb says, Yes! Let's go. Let's do this thing.

and since my sickness adled brain forgot to comment about this a second ago, i just want to say congratulations.*g* i'm happy for you.

[goddessofmercy.livejournal.com]

ah, well that makes more sense then. i have mixed feelings about beckett overall, but for me it is always better to see his plays rather than just read them. bbc did an amazing series of beckett short plays a couple of years ago, they were broadcast on pbs.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm completely giddy about it today! And freaked enough to wet myself. Maybe at your wedding next Oct. I'll be with child.

Ack!

[hrafntinna.livejournal.com]

The wisdom I can offer is severely limited, but here goes:

There is nothing wrong with ending a sentence with 'is.'

[erinya.livejournal.com]

Very cool! Sometimes you must obey the womb.... :-) While I don't intend on having kidlets of my own anytime soon, I look forward to meeting my friends'.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

That is good to know.

And, yes, I do have balls. One might say I'm "stacked."

[alizarin71.livejournal.com]

That is really amazing news ... about deciding to have a baby, of course. Congratulations! (I will be free with the congratulations throughout this whole thing.)

Love news.

[(Anonymous)]

All I'll say is this: if I was to be born 31 years later, I'd want to be born to you.
Love, Pád.
P.S. I've added epymetheus to my frequently-looked-at blogs - I'm intrigued by this one of yours.

Re: Love news.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

That is the most wonderful thing anyone has told me in a long time. I would blessed if I had a son as thoughtful, creative and devoted to God as you are.

So.... wanna come to Alaska on July 7th? That's where/when Adam and I are getting married.

[goddessofmercy.livejournal.com]

Maybe at your wedding next Oct. I'll be with child.

wow. that would be really amazing.