A Fresh Start

Yesterday, on a different thread elsewhere, some one said this about me:

"I have seen you comment in other friends' journal, and you know it's funny you ask- I have ALWAYS wanted to say how I have this hunch that you're going to really do something. Like, you stink of potential and good works. Stink's a bad way to put it, you smell nice? I don't know, it just seems creepy to me to randomly tell you that I think you're going to be someone amazing- but that's the truth of it. Someone who does serious things. Someone who actually embodies the whole, "You never know what impact one life can make". I mean, I am not saying you're going to be jesus or anything but something feels very strongly positive about you, like what you will do. I know that isn't cards, but it's actually something that's been on my mind when I see you comment for a long time."

Wowsers.

The sinus cold has officially set in. I made the mistake of checking work email to write some notes to myself before bed. I got one email that is just icing on the cake of fail that is tonight's event. I was fuming. And now, after some blocks of sleep (none really consecutive as B is a little stuffy and there fore sleeping fitfully), I feel a bit more clear headed. I also am extremely clear that I am quitting. It feels good to be clear.

I pulled the 3 of coins reversed this morning. This is a reminder not be childish, not to diminish other's work or my own. Work is unsuccessful, there are conflicts - no surprise there! I am angry and frustrated with my bosses and I will tell them so, but not in the hot headed, blaming, yelling voice that I wanted to last night. Today's circumstances are some of the worst in which to be announcing my departure, but if I want to tell them face to face, that's how it needs to be.

I really want to be black heart about everything. I'm not there this morning, but I'm making efforts to be as grounded as I can be, as focused on what is really important - relationship, honesty, following through, boundaries.

On the positive side, the rain continues to downpour here. Much much needed wet. I love the grey sky - it's like a wet comfortable snuggly comforter.

Ok. Quickly.

Once again, post cards are for crap. I really did mean to send a bunch out. Oh well.

In Daylesford, VIC, spa capital of Oz. It's *amazing*. Like, I've never spent this kind of money on myself and now I know why people do it. Our Japanese ryokan is peaceful. The minimalism is restful and I love the futon on the floor. The region has a load of magic here. Originally it was an Aboriginal healing center (mineral waters) and it was matriarchically run. Only the women brought the infirm and ill in. After the gold rush in the late 1880s the white folk developed the springs and it's been a spa place ever since. It's quaint. It's also perfect for Bay Area people such as Adam and I. A good mix of regular joe places and overpriced fancy home wares, gormet cafes and resturaunts (THANK YOU GOD for meals that consist of things other than meat and three veg, meat pies and chips or salad rolls), and massage/spa/tarot readings everywhere you turn. However, there is a distince lack of yoga here. But damn, it's lovely here.

Vacation RULES.

This break has been so necessary. The timing is just right. I look forward to leaving tomorrow and getting back to my little boy. Contrary to what many women told me, going away has not ruined my breast milk supply. I have never pumped more in one sitting (except for maybe with the industrial pump while B was in the NICU). I think rest has done wonders for me. So there, sad little ladies who can't get away from their bubs! Ok, that's just mean spirited, but I'm pleased as punch that I will go back revved up, rather than run down.

This break away has given me the space I've needed to take some evaluation of my life. I WILL be quitting my job sooner rather than later. Adam and I are also thinking seriously of moving to Wales. Once I get home I am going to start looking into how that might work. We may not be moving to Wales, we're open to other places, but it could be good for my scholarly pursuits and my psyche. On the drive down here Adam said of all the places we've talked about moving, he'd like to go to Wales. He said it felt right, and moving sooner rather than later. Not so oddly, I had a tarot reading yesterday and the lady looked at me and said, "Oh! So you're planning to move abroad, are you? Oh that will be very good for you." Ha! And then she said that the move needed to happen within the next 12 months, staying would be disastrous for me personally. She said I've been "packed" for a while and a move was both immanent and necessary. As if the break in and shattering shower door weren't signs enough.

I may post more about the reading at a later date - to expand my thoughts on it.

I am happy, I am faint from the heat (it's 100F/38C), I am quaking in the pit of my stomach when I think of what the year holds - so much change afoot! - but I am more than ready.