Sometimes I wonder

[theatokos]

I wonder if this whole LJ thing isn't just a bit self-masturbatory (one of my favorite words). The reason I started this journal was to keep up with a certain individual. Now, that individual is uncertain as to whether or not I'm needed in said person's life.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just crap at friendship, if I am incapable of maintaining close relationships for the long haul. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a true solitary cloaked in an outgoing sociable community-loving body. I wonder if it's safe for people to love me, rely on me, or invest in me.

On a less depressing note, I wonder who left the toilet seat up this morning. My roommate is gone for the weekend. I left my door unlocked when I went up to the roof to stretch. When I came back I went to the bathroom and found the toilet seat up and one small item moved. Odd. No note, nothing missing. Just the toilet seat. I guess we all need a little mystery in our lives.

(Happy Vernal Equinox or Eostara)

Comments

[erinya.livejournal.com]

I love that word! But I also love LJ...for a geek like me it's such a great format for all kinds of purposes...keeping track of people being only one of 'em.

I sorry you're being made to feel crappy, hon. Hope it doesn't last. *hugs* Now no more negative self-talk from you...

*squelches instinct for psych-student jargon*

Long-winded discussion of ghosts has been commented elsewhere. *g*

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It's not meant to be overly negative, just the pondering of patterns in my life. Sometimes it's discouraging. Relationships, both romantic and friendship, mean a lot to me and I have a hard time letting go. I know that all things have their seasons, but that doesn't always make it easier. And sometimes the best, most loving thing one can do for a friend is just give them space. Whether that's 3 days, months, or years. argh, maturity. Overrated sometimes I say!

[miss-ogyny.livejournal.com]

when you come to juneau tommorow you better be in a better mood.

[urbanbard.livejournal.com]

Self-masturbatory, physical mental or spiritual isn't always bad. It can become bad, and overwhelming, but a good amount of it is healthy. That being said, there are lots of different ways you can use LJ...myself I tend to use it not as much for, here's whats up in my life, as much as here are some interesting thoughts that I'm putting up for comments.
*shrug* whatever works for ya.

*sticking my tongue out at you*

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Of course I will be Caleb, you unsupportive ass. I take it there will be no hugs from you, just liquor? Maybe that's just what I need.....