Perfection and its price
Apr. 30th, 2007 12:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theatokosI have been plowing through Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters. Had I not been caught up in the Golden State Warriors' triumph over the Dallas Mavericks, the number one NBA team, in the current playoff frenzy last night I might have finished the book.
I read most of the first chapter in excerpted form in the most recent Bitch. I was deeply moved (a lot of it hit painfully home) and intrigued by the idea that perfectionism is feminism's offspring. The first and second chapters of Courtney Martin's book begins exploring the link between perfectionism, feminism and self-loathing, played out in the form of eating disorders. Our mothers, the second wave of feminism, established a more main stream feminist agenda, pushing for equal rights, equal pay, equal opportunity. Not that this has been accomplished, merely begun. While my mother was raised knowing that her career options were nurse, school teacher, secretary, mother (and maybe a few other things if she worked really, really hard), I was raised believing that I could be/can be anything I want. Firefighter? Yes. Lawyer? Certainly. CEO of a Fortune 500 company? Can do. President of the United States? Well..... let's be reasonable shall we. Women ten years my junior have even more options. Women out number men 2:3 at the undergrad level and in many graduate programs women number more than men. Never have so many women been so educated! Never have women had to work so hard to prove that they are worthy and deserving of their "places" at the table of equality; never have they had to prove so thoroughly that they are not disrupting male privilege.
Women not only have to be better students, better athletes, better workers than their male counterparts if they want to be taken seriously, they also have to look Hot to prove they are still women. Sadly, they have to be perfect and make it look effortless. As Martin says in her book, third wave feminists were told we could be anything, but we heard we have to be everything.
I think this analysis is important, and I haven't seen too much written about it. Unfortunately, Martin's book is only partially developing this analysis. (Maybe she'll surprise me in the last two chapters?) After the first two chapters this idea gets put on the back burner. She certainly does not criticize patriarchy. Martin is well-versed in feminist classics, but rarely uses that background overtly to explore the subject matter.
Instead Martin relies on story telling to expose the perfectionist tendencies of today's young women. When these stories come from the women and girls she interviewed by email and in person, they add up to a larger and very powerful and disturbing picture of what American women are struggling with. Unfortunately, much of the stories are Martin's personal reflections on her teenage and college years. Chapter 6, which claims to look at the link between body loathing and sex, is basically her best friend's story with very little analysis. Does every single friend Martin has ever had have an eating disorder? Sometimes I wonder if Martin isn't working through her own issues in preparation for her 10 year high school reunion. While it's important to write what we know, I often feel like she should have written a memoir or kept a blog. Martin was 25 when she wrote this book, so I feel a little harsh criticizing her efforts (she's young! it's her first book!), especially when this is a fresh perspective. Hearing women's voices, especially in matters as private as eating disorders and body images, is important, but Martin's personal stories speak louder than her research. While I don't need a hard and fast academic book, I find this tendency hinders her premise and waters down her analysis.
I recommend this book for those who have struggled with eating disorders or even just danced around them (or known those who have) and for those who struggle with the burden of perfectionism and who would like a gentle feminist perspective on these issues. I think it may appeal more to those under the age of 30, but mothers of daughters in college or high school may also want to read it.
I read most of the first chapter in excerpted form in the most recent Bitch. I was deeply moved (a lot of it hit painfully home) and intrigued by the idea that perfectionism is feminism's offspring. The first and second chapters of Courtney Martin's book begins exploring the link between perfectionism, feminism and self-loathing, played out in the form of eating disorders. Our mothers, the second wave of feminism, established a more main stream feminist agenda, pushing for equal rights, equal pay, equal opportunity. Not that this has been accomplished, merely begun. While my mother was raised knowing that her career options were nurse, school teacher, secretary, mother (and maybe a few other things if she worked really, really hard), I was raised believing that I could be/can be anything I want. Firefighter? Yes. Lawyer? Certainly. CEO of a Fortune 500 company? Can do. President of the United States? Well..... let's be reasonable shall we. Women ten years my junior have even more options. Women out number men 2:3 at the undergrad level and in many graduate programs women number more than men. Never have so many women been so educated! Never have women had to work so hard to prove that they are worthy and deserving of their "places" at the table of equality; never have they had to prove so thoroughly that they are not disrupting male privilege.
Women not only have to be better students, better athletes, better workers than their male counterparts if they want to be taken seriously, they also have to look Hot to prove they are still women. Sadly, they have to be perfect and make it look effortless. As Martin says in her book, third wave feminists were told we could be anything, but we heard we have to be everything.
I think this analysis is important, and I haven't seen too much written about it. Unfortunately, Martin's book is only partially developing this analysis. (Maybe she'll surprise me in the last two chapters?) After the first two chapters this idea gets put on the back burner. She certainly does not criticize patriarchy. Martin is well-versed in feminist classics, but rarely uses that background overtly to explore the subject matter.
Instead Martin relies on story telling to expose the perfectionist tendencies of today's young women. When these stories come from the women and girls she interviewed by email and in person, they add up to a larger and very powerful and disturbing picture of what American women are struggling with. Unfortunately, much of the stories are Martin's personal reflections on her teenage and college years. Chapter 6, which claims to look at the link between body loathing and sex, is basically her best friend's story with very little analysis. Does every single friend Martin has ever had have an eating disorder? Sometimes I wonder if Martin isn't working through her own issues in preparation for her 10 year high school reunion. While it's important to write what we know, I often feel like she should have written a memoir or kept a blog. Martin was 25 when she wrote this book, so I feel a little harsh criticizing her efforts (she's young! it's her first book!), especially when this is a fresh perspective. Hearing women's voices, especially in matters as private as eating disorders and body images, is important, but Martin's personal stories speak louder than her research. While I don't need a hard and fast academic book, I find this tendency hinders her premise and waters down her analysis.
I recommend this book for those who have struggled with eating disorders or even just danced around them (or known those who have) and for those who struggle with the burden of perfectionism and who would like a gentle feminist perspective on these issues. I think it may appeal more to those under the age of 30, but mothers of daughters in college or high school may also want to read it.
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no subject
Date: 2007-04-30 09:00 pm (UTC)...third wave feminists were told we could be anything, but we heard we have to be everything.
Yeah, that strikes a chord. And yes, I think there's incredible pressure on women to fulfill multiple roles. I don't know whether it's the same for men; maybe it is. But it's exhausting for me to think of trying to juggle the plates of career woman/mother/wife/creative individual. Which is one of the reasons I feel so ambivalent about having kids. Still, I have this idea--maybe it's correct and maybe it's based on media images--that there ARE women out there who are doing it all, and looking beautiful doing it. Put that way, it doesn't sound very realistic.
no subject
Date: 2007-04-30 09:11 pm (UTC)God, it's just depressing. I told Adam the other day that I want to take on all the fat in all the world so women everywhere don't have to worry about it. Seriously, I read these stories about women thinking fat is the worst thing ever and I want to go out and eat an entire cake just to be contrary.
Did you know that 2/3 of women surveyed said they'd rather be run over by a truck than fat?! When did being over weight become the worst thing in the world?
I could go on for days....
no subject
Date: 2007-04-30 09:33 pm (UTC)I don't know. It's really hard for me to have perspective on this enough to understand it fully even now. And it is a big source of anxiety for me, even though I'm at a normal weight. Somewhere in my psyche, a long time ago, fat became the equivalent of failure and losing weight/being thin became the equivalent of success, and I still haven't been able to completely disentangle the two ideas.
It's weird, too, because in some ways I completely reject traditional femininity--or participate unwillingly--but in this respect I have to really struggle to not let it rule me.
no subject
Date: 2007-04-30 11:49 pm (UTC)Oh thank the gods I'm not the only person I know (besides my husband) who is totally dorking out on this.
And, speaking of feminist perfectionisms, I must admit there is a part of me that feels as though I've lost whatever remaining credit I might have had on my "Radical Feminist Card" (after entering into monogamous heterosexual marriage & embarking upon motherhood...) by now getting into a major male-dominated sporting event.
But, c'est ma vie!
no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 05:35 pm (UTC)I don't think monogamy or heterosexuality automatically preclude radical feminism. No more than being gay or polyamorous means a person is actually queer.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 06:24 pm (UTC)And I musta missed the Pussycat Dolls intro? Though if you've never been to a live game, I must say the "Warrior Girls" are, um, something to behold--er, not really. Fairly standard bounce & jiggle. (btw, if you & A. are ever in mind to attend a game sometime, let me know. Probably next year, as we can't afford playoff tix--presuming there are anymore local games to be played. But my hub and I generally splurge on one or two regular games a year & your company would be fun!)
no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 07:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 01:46 pm (UTC)Sometimes I read www.bigfatblog.com. It's pretty much the Bitch for fat.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 05:40 pm (UTC)What's worse is the perfectionist voice. It sounds reasonable: why wouldn't I want to do my best? Working hard is a good thing and how am I supposed to do my best if I don't work hard? What's even more insidious is the voice that deep down honestly believes that if I'm not awesome, not amazing then I'm wasting everyone's time. And also, if I'm not awesome how am I ever going to get a job that will pay me enough to have the life I want to have....
Oh, perfidious voices!
I think in trying to encourage my friends (like you) to chill out and not work so hard (because I do recognize your perfectionism and you'd have to be dead to not be amazing) I'm really speaking to myself.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 01:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 05:28 pm (UTC)