There's nothing like the dulcet sounds of Sexual Harassment in the morning to make me feel female.

[theatokos]

And I'm so pissed and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel powerless. This does not help my misanthropy this morning. I am damned if I do - if I were to say something witty, would he have taken it as engaging banter? If I had told him to Fuck Off, then I'm just an angry man-hater, aren't I? He saw a young, unaccompanied female in a tank top and shorts pushing a bike and saw Dish with Side of Boobs. And I'm damned if I don't say anything. Because what do I do with my anger now? Is my silence my consent?

What makes him think that his commentary is welcome? That his wants and desires must be vocalized? He was walking along silently just fine, smoking his cigarette and fingering his prayer beads until I passed him from behind on the sidewalk.

In these situations I can never think of anything to say. My first and foremost response is: what are my surroundings, how long till I am out of this man's eyesight/range, who is around me, did any one else hear? My personal safety is my immediate concern, particularly when I'm by myself.

This has happened innumerable times and thankfully nothing has ever happened to me. I don't really fear that something will. But a girl never knows...

This morning there was some one else walking behind me. A man. I heard him and was aware. He did not say anything while Harassment Man entreated me for half a block or more. And when I was finally on my bike, pedaling away, I turned to look and Man #2 has sidled up alongside Harassment Man and was smiling and laughing with him while leering in my direction.

Fuckers.

Comments

[hangedwoman.livejournal.com]

And if you were a man you'd be justified in beating him to death for showing the slightest interest in you. There's a guy from a night in a bar over ten years ago that I still kind of regret not dumping my drink on.

I'm still feeling largely misanthropic these days, but here's a story to remind you that they aren't all assholes: a few years ago I was walking several blocks to a bus stop at night along a not so busy street. I noticed in that way that we do that there was someone walking behind me. This person, who was a man, was walking faster than I was and eventually overtook me, and passed me. And as it turns out was at my bus stop when I got there (remember, this was not a short walk, so I never had any reason to think that he was anticipating where I'd end up). It turned out that he was someone I recognized from around the neighborhood, and we chatted a bit while waiting for the bus. He mentioned the bit about us walking and said he hoped he hadn't scared me and had specifically sped up and passed me so that I wouldn't be worried about him being behind me, at night, on a lonely street.

On one hand I feel sorry that he felt the need to do that and that it did make me feel more comfortable after he'd passed me, but I thought it was really quite thoughtful of him.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I know not all men are assholes. I am grateful to count many wonderful -and some feminist!- men among my closest friends. (Some of my closest friends are male! Ha!) But this sort of entitled, rude and frankly, scary behavior is.... well, too common. I think what really threw me for a loop was when the second guy was in on it. The two clearly didn't know eachother, but they had a delightful little bonding moment over my discomfort. I never expected another man to speak up at the first guy's bad behaviour, but to have random guy join in? That worried me.

[makeda55.livejournal.com]

Safety first. There is NOTHING wrong with making sure you are safe. To make an analogy: if you hand over your wallet to a mugger to avoid being shot, that still doesn't make armed robbery right or consensual.

That said: if safety isn't an issue, telling a harasser to fuck off doesn't make you a man-hater; it verbalizes your boundaries.

He doesn't know you. He comments on your beauty for his own satisfaction, not yours. He doesn't have the right to tell you to "smile, honey" because it makes him feel better.

"Fuck off" works if you want to hit back verbally and keep moving. If you want to confront him, then something that calls a harasser on his game may be something to practice formulating and delivering. (just drafting something quickly, but for example, "I don't know you. How DARE you try to use me to get off?")

Anger after the fact... I know that one well. Your body's revved up. Really, punching something can help discharge some of that energy so you can breathe up what's left.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm just cranky in general and already wanting everyone to leave me alone, so the morning didn't help. I've just been in a *serious* isolation mood for weeks.

There are jerks in the world. And I do need to discharge some of this energy. I think eating some lunch will also help.

But, in general, it's a good day and yet I feel kind of sucky. But I felt that way even before I left the house this morning.

[erinya.livejournal.com]

That kind of thing makes me SO mad. If I'm in the right/wrong mood, even a whistle from a passing pickup truck (and I don't say that lightly, it's usually a pickup) will get me steamed. I've never had anyone follow me, though. I agree that "fuck off" would not be too angry. It's not that we hate men, but we do hate assholes.

Whenever it happens, it makes me want to learn judo or something so I could knock 'em on their ass if I so chose.

[hrafntinna.livejournal.com]

I loathe this kind of bullshit. I wish I'd been there to make you feel safer and to yell at these assholes for you. I've gotten either less patient or more reckless with age, and I've called a few street harassers on their crap. They got very hostile verbally, but I'm glad I did it.

I also circled those fool frat boys scuffling on the street last evening when I was passing on my bike and made sure they knew I would call the cops if they didn't cut it out. Idiots think they're in a movie and forget that they are big strapping guys who can permanently damage each other.

Sexual harassment is a whole other thing, though. I'm more assertive about responding to it than I used to be and better at stepping in on others' behalf, but I would never do it in a situation I didn't think was essentially safe. I shake my fist at these jerks from afar. Bah!

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I always want to tell him to Fuck Off, mostly I just ignore him. One time I flipped some one off. But usually, my brain instantly hits survival mode - don't splash too much to make sure you get away alive! But the instant I'm out of range my brain goes ballistic! And then it's too late. I wish I had more peace of mind to yell at men like this, so they knew, plain as day, that it's NOT OKAY.

I mean, really: do they think I'm gonna give them a "ride"? Ew. Ewewewewewewew. Ew. No.

[hrafntinna.livejournal.com]

Harrr: http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/011504.html