(no subject)

[theatokos]

Yesterday I was all inspired and today I'm run down and mopey. It has been a very busy two weeks at work - at least, busy for my job and for being pregnant. Lots of meetings, restructuring some positions, dealing with coworker issues, trying to communicate clearly, manage personal boundaries, and get stuff done. I'm not surprised I'm so wiped out.

But I also think I have too much time on my hands to think. Too much time to reflect on all my perfectionist anxieties, on feeling old (is that me in the mirror? the one who looks tired, puffy and kinda like my mom?), feeling weirdly shaped and clumsy and completely unsexy, on all the things I Should be doing or want to want to do. Gah.

I want some one else to come in and hang the art and sort the books and finish putting the clothes away and find room for one more cupboard's worth of kitchen goods.

This turned into a whine and I really didn't intend it to. Guess that's what I needed to vomit up this afternoon.

Comments

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I go through phases in the days that I feel good, I really do enjoy being pregnant. In fact at the end of January I was feeling so good for about two weeks that I thought "wow! I want to do this again! Soon!" And then Feb. hit and .....oooooof. I too get told to enjoy it - and I'm trying! Some days it's great and others (often lately) not so much.

I think it's the psychological aspects that are the hardest for me. I'm slowing down, have a lot more time to reflect and I'm coming face to face with parts of myself that I'm not comfortable with. And I have to sit with that. I can't DO anything about it. I recognize all of this as profound and important and really meaningful - and I look forward to the fruit of this labor (both in kidlet form and in personal growth) - but for now it's just really really messy and uncomfortable.