Mating , and the human predicament

Before I dive into the wonder of last night, let me post some links to a food blog and a food politics site that have lately captured my attention. I feel like I've fallen off the ethical food bandwagon in recent months, yet my freezer still has some fish that I caught in Alaska this summer and the CSA produce box that I get delivered every other week reminds of just how good clean food is. I am also reminded of what a food paradise California is. (Ending sentences with is can't be good.) I've thought about doing the 100 mile food challenge before. Doing it here would be relatively painless. Doing it in Alaska would be brutal, but could possibly be life altering, if not a miracle diet. I am debating doing it for a 2007 challenge. My spring looks pretty mellow, why not?

On to last night: Waiting for Godot (pronounced, we discovered, as God, oh) was incredible. It is Adam's favorite play and I only read it for the first time a couple of years ago when we first were dating. I was amused, sure, but not moved. I'm not sure it's a play one is moved by. Seeing it staged added a wonderful new dimension. Sparse, precise, and funny. I felt intellectually engaged, but shortly into the first few minutes I thought "I don't get it." Is this play a microcosmic meta-look at relationship? Our need for companionship and our existential inability to ever really relate to others? A statement of the never ending discomfort of this life and the futility of hope? Adam reminded me during intermission to stop thinking. Unfortunately, this only caused me to nod off for a few minutes in the second act, during Pozzo's return. I just couldn't keep my eyes open and after succumbing I felt much better for the rest of the act. If you've not read this strange play, I really recommend it. I'm sure Adam (epymetheus) will post about the show. It was his first ever viewing of the staged production. I'm really honored that I could make that happen for him.

While the play was great the reason I'll really remember last night is because it is the evening I gave in and decided I'm ready to get pregnant. Notice I didn't say "have a baby" - no way I'm ready for a kid. Good thing you get nine months to prepare. I have been fighting a primal urge to procreate for about a year now. Yesterday that urge crescendo-ed to new heights and I could ignore it no longer. This feeling is a new one for me. It doesn't stem from my intellect, for my brain says "Are you kidding me? A kid? You've got PhD work looming in the future and you have no money. Silly woman." The urge certainly isn't some need of my heart, for I've never been as full with love as I am now. Why complicate a good thing?

But as my sister and her husband tell me, as every parent I've ever asked has told me, there never is a good time to have a child. I figure next summer I'll be 32 and married. I've never been more emotionally stable, I've never been healthier. Adam says let's start trying next fall. As I told hrafntinna, it's sort of like getting engaged: we haven't set a date, but the intention is there. My womb says, Yes! Let's go. Let's do this thing.