The longest week ever ahead

Latest prognosis: Friday is the earliest he'll be released. I was so hoping for mid week so that we could have some time ALONE together before Adam's parents and other loved guests arrive on Friday. I'm starting to feel like a caged lioness. I haven't spent a single minute alone with my child and I feel like my heart is in a vice grip. My patience is monumental. I can't believe I haven't beaten the shit out of a nurse yet. I still somehow manage to say please and thank you. I'm so tired. I'm so sick of the long isolated days at the hospital. I want to be exhausted and isolated in my own home like normal new moms.

I really don't know how I'm going to last the week. I had dreams last night of getting lost in the hospital and of nurses locking my baby away from me. It's like I'm doing all of the work, but getting very very little of the reward.

Today is a low day. It will pass. This too will pass. I'll just keep reminding myself of this, hour to hour.

The latest and last for a while

He is not coming home on Friday.

I can't talk about this anymore. No more posting until he comes home for real.