(no subject)

I just walked out of a staff meeting because we started talking about vision - or the lack of vision, and the ED just mentioned a "small" project he was working on that none of us knew about. I just can't be nice any more. My sleep deprivation makes it impossible for me to be diplomatic. So I said I was frustrated and I walked out.

My brain

It's coming back. I've had creative impulses. I want to read again. I've actually remembered stuff and had the occasional graduate level thought. IT FEELS SO GOOD.

But of course, I still have some holes in my brain. Sometimes I am flabbergasted at what I no longer know.

Today was a slight triumph for Adult Self. Bennett stayed home for 5 hours with a friend while I went to work and had meetings and phone calls and Did Stuff, all without having to worry about flashing my boobs (mostly - I am grateful no one needed the bathroom while I was pumping), or crying fits or drool or spit up or naps.

Better yet, when I came home it was clear that he was well loved and cared for and having a great time.

This bodes well, although I know my mental health is not out of the woods yet.

(no subject)

The fog today made everything feel down right chilly and the evening dark just a bit more wintry. Oh thank god. I have candles lit, some Christmas music playing (my favorite instrumental album), and B is mellow. I am thinking of food. I have a craving for very good wholewheat pancakes. Tonight for dinner we are having make your own veggie pizza on cornmeal crusts and a salad. I want to make a cream of carrot soup sometime this week - oh my, I want to cook again! joy! Any suggestions of what to go with the soup?