(no subject)

Working from home today. I started to get sick yesterday. It was a hard day. Lack of sleep, not feeling well, day two of taking care of B by myself, and all my crazy was coming up. Thankfully, B was amazing. Mellow, cheerful, lots of independent play, good naps. Today the nanny is over doing his wonderful job with my now sad and fussy guy.

I have realized several things in the last 24 hours. First, I don't think I'm cut out to be a stay at home mom. If I could do it every other day that would be perfect. When I go to work I look forward to the following day at home with Bennett, but the second day in a row and I'm climbing the walls. Turns out I need social interaction and intellectual stimulation. On day two the isolation is just too much. I think this will lift a little when we get a new carrier (I ordered a babyhawk on Tuesday). But B is in an awkward stage. He's too big to just snuggle up and sleep in a carrier while I go about my business. Up until he was 6 months old Adam and I would go out to dinner, take him over to friends' houses, I'd go to cafes. We were quite social. Now, he's not big enough to play at parks, so he's quite clingy yet needs to bang stuff around. Makes going out difficult.

Secondly, being home while the nanny is here is wonderful. If I could afford it, I'd LOVE to have a personal assistant/house keeper/nanny home with me. Or Adam. Having two people to entertain, love and care for B is ideal. Plus, our nanny does the dishes. Aw yeah. If only he'd wash the floors too!

(no subject)

I realize that I spend WAY TOO MUCH time on line these days. It only exacerbates my isolation, even though it is my social link to the world. Last night I was wondering how I ended up in this mental state? How did I become some one who spends most of every day linked into a box? This isn't how I want to be living my life.

I blame some of it on getting in the habit of being on line in front of a computer all day long from my job. And then it was getting wireless internet at home. Being pregnant and part time working didn't help. Then home all the time with a new born, so I couldn't go about my life as I'd used to. After over a year of this the patterns are ingrained. The habits have hardened.

It's time to start weening myself of this silver little box. I am fairly certain I can utilize this tool and maintain my social connections while also expanding the rest of my life again. I miss exercise, reading, getting out and these are things I get back to. I really don't need to read a lot of the blogs I do and I certainly don't need Facebook. LJ is a little more vital to me.

With that, I shall close this laptop and go away.