(no subject)

Some one is coming to look at my bicycle today. We could use the money, but I'm sad to let it go. Adam promises me I'll get another one.

I realize that when I'm anxious and stressed I tend to shut down. I'm in full on avoidance mode. Have been for weeks. There are boxes to be sorted and packed. They should have been shipped (where?) months ago. Oh well. Instead of chores and packing and studying, I'm aimless, unfocused, and spending most of my time reading mindless (but enjoyable) novels. When I'm Depressed (big D, as opposed to little d) I am incredibly productive. It's odd to be such a high functioning Depressive. When I've shut down like that, when I have no room for fun or emotions, I'm so focused on work and day to day living. Sadly, I think my best work has been when I've been Depressed. I've certainly been fit and my thinnest then.

I wish I could focus like that in times of anxiety, because right now action is needed. But my energy is all over the place. My mind races. I wish I could channel the Depressive focus more effectively.

Ok. Off to fold the laundry. From yesterday.