Edited to be titled "Bittersweet"
Jul. 18th, 2008 12:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theatokosI've been homesick. Of course, I'm always homesick in the summer. I haven't had my mountains/glacier/old growth forest/hiking/fishing/long nights/tourist filled Juneau summer fix. But I also have some sadness in my heart that Benn has yet to breathe non-polluted air (the fires are still making the air hazy here, my nose has been itching for weeks), has yet to hear or smell the ocean. It's been cars and concrete and traffic when we go outside.
Also, having a new baby means being inside a lot. I feel both cocooned in my cozy nest and also a little isolated. Especially because so many of my new mama friends are far away. I wish I had actually met some of you ladies in the flesh, that we could hang out a little as our babes feed for hours on end, that we could be of some actual physical support to one another and that our babes could grow up together. This last part makes me sad. I think about my nieces and The Future Gov of Alaska up in Anchorage. If only Anchorage wasn't such a dump... I think of all the kids growing up together, of me being an active part in those girls' lives, of my boy knowing family well and being cared for by loving people invested in his well being.
Today is my eldest niece's 9th birthday and the Future Gov is in early labor as we speak. This new little person will born any day now. I am far away. She won't meet Benn and I won't meet this Maggie/Stella/whatever they end up naming her, possibly until Christmas. My sister and nieces won't get to meet him until then either.
I also wish Benn would smile at me. Benn will be 8 weeks tomorrow. He is still only 6 1/2 pounds.
Also, having a new baby means being inside a lot. I feel both cocooned in my cozy nest and also a little isolated. Especially because so many of my new mama friends are far away. I wish I had actually met some of you ladies in the flesh, that we could hang out a little as our babes feed for hours on end, that we could be of some actual physical support to one another and that our babes could grow up together. This last part makes me sad. I think about my nieces and The Future Gov of Alaska up in Anchorage. If only Anchorage wasn't such a dump... I think of all the kids growing up together, of me being an active part in those girls' lives, of my boy knowing family well and being cared for by loving people invested in his well being.
Today is my eldest niece's 9th birthday and the Future Gov is in early labor as we speak. This new little person will born any day now. I am far away. She won't meet Benn and I won't meet this Maggie/Stella/whatever they end up naming her, possibly until Christmas. My sister and nieces won't get to meet him until then either.
I also wish Benn would smile at me. Benn will be 8 weeks tomorrow. He is still only 6 1/2 pounds.