(no subject)

[theatokos]

Today at work I realized that I hadn't thought through this whole "having a baby" thing. Why I am working while he is an infant? Right, I need money, and I was seduced with the whole "you can bring your baby to work!" This meant that I had only 3 weeks of honest-to-goodness maternity leave and have been working more or less since 2 weeks after giving birth. Bringing B to work no longer is effective - I don't get anything done and he doesn't get the attention he needs. So now I have to work to afford the childcare he needs - and for my rent and bills.

Lately I've been giving serious consideration to quitting. Partly financially, partly because I find myself caring less and less about the work we do, and I am more and more dissatisfied with the leadership. It's difficult because I love my coworkers and boss, honestly I love them, and they love me; no other office job could be as flexible as this. But this is not my life's passion and I find myself slowly moving away from what is. It feels much like how I've ended up here 5 years on - I was always planning to move back to Alaska.....

Two final nails in the coffin of my job:
1) Pumping. Why am I pumping and working? Why didn't I take this year OFF when I'm breastfeeding and go back to work when he's older, can eat solids and will fare better with childcare?? Pumping in the bathroom is about the most demoralizing thing. I'm either on the floor in the handicap stall or in the main part facing the wall, hoping no one else needs to come in.

2) Adam and I met with our ED to discuss our raises. I laid out that we had to have more money. My part time hours cover my rent, one bill, a smidge of savings, B's costs and what ever is left over is my spending money. I can't cover childcare too. Adam pays his rent, all the utilities, two other bills, his spending money, and almost no savings. Oh yes, my student loans are on hold so those aren't factored in. We laid all this out. Even with raises we would be making only slightly more than $60,000 a year (that's as a household). This is still too little for a couple in the Bay Area to have a child AND save money.

Our boss said how much he loved us and our work and wanted to provide for us to stay. Then he dropped a huge bomb. One of our big donors was an investor in this Maddof guy who has bilked people out of billions. If any other donors have been hit we may have to all take pay CUTS. This does not bode well.

Adam and I are going to have a big ol' discussion of today's meeting over home made mac n cheese and a bottle of wine tonight.

And finally, one last reason to find a new place: it is COLD. It's quite cold for the Bay Area, but not even freezing. Yet in 1930s apartment building, with single paned windows, the draughts are severe. The hardwood floors are too cold to sit on. I am bundled up in knee length wool socks, jeans, a tank top, long-sleeved thermal, wool sweater and scarf. B has his socks, baby carharts, wool diaper cover, long sleeved shirt, and lined knit sweater, and I'm still debating shoes and a hat for him. Did I mention the radiators are all on?

Comments

[baileywicked.livejournal.com]

I have been thinking about finances today too, its beyond depressing.

[thekitchenvixen.livejournal.com]

Here is my honest opinion. Take it for what it is...

Although there is much to be said for mom's who are able to have a career AND raise children at the same time, it doesn't work out that way for all of us. A lot of the women who are able to successfully do both (and be happy) have already set up their careers and settled into a comfortable financial position. Others seem to do it because they HAVE to, and that's not a fun position to be in.

Lets face it, these first years come and go so fast. Although they can be MORE demanding than a full-time job, and sometimes more exhausting and frustrating... down the road it can also be very satisfying.
There are ways to run a household on one income. It is clear to me that you need to be the one staying home with the kids (not Adam), and that you seem to be wanting it more and more.
You are intelligent and resourceful and I'm sure you could find ways to become thrifty and live on one income.
For starters, you have been ranting about your living situation for a while. Would it be feasible for Adam to seek employment in a more affordable part of the country where you could be a stay at home mom for a few years? Its a lot easier to find one job than two.

Where we live (buffalo, NY) it is the second most impoverished city in the entire country. But we DO get by on about 30,000 a year, owning a home, for a family of four. A lot of days I wonder what I'm doing staying at home with these two driving me nuts all the time. But I know that later on I will really cherish it.

I hope you and Adam can find a situation where you are all happily situated. It seems to me that change is upon us all lately...

[baileywicked.livejournal.com]

You don't know me but I would love to know some tips on how you do this!

[thekitchenvixen.livejournal.com]

I just posted this in my journal, but since its F/O:

Zack works two jobs. One at Ecology and Environment full time as a mail attendant. One part time at UPS as a package handler.
Our income is as follows:
Biweekly E&E = $720
Weekly UPS =140
Monthly Total $2000

We pay all of our bills online. These are the bills we have every month:

$470 Mortgage (This is a 30-year Mortgage with approximately 6.5% interest and includes our property taxes and homeowner's insurance)
$163 National Fuel (This is our heat utility and it is on budget billing)
$60 National Grid (This is an estimate of our electric bill per month)
$65 AT&T (This is our phone bill for two wireless phones. We have 550 anytime minutes with free nights and weekends. We do NOT have a house phone.)
$50 Time Warner Cable Internet (We pay a lot for our internet, however we do not have cable. We watch our shows online and have our television hooked up to our computer.)
$35 State Farm Life (We have a $50,000 policy on each of us.)

Then we have a cash system to keep our spending at a minimum. Every Thursday (payday) I take out $80 cash and put it into the envelopes as follows:

$10 Zack Personal Spending
$10 Sarah Personal Spending
$5 Niyama Personal Spending
$5 Indra Personal Spending
$50 Grocery Money

Our personal spending can be frivolous things such as fast food, or we can choose to save the money in our envelopes for bigger wants down the road. The kid's money can be saved for birthday presents or holiday presents, or things they need that are not budgeted for.

The debit card is ONLY used for GAS and we spend about $20-$25 a week. I only take the car one day a week (usually Thursday) so that we don't waste much gas driving back and forth. We only have one car.

After all this we should have surplus money that builds up in our checking account, which will be used as an escrow for our city taxes (water and garbage) as well as our car insurance (which is approximately $95 a month.

Any big home improvements or large purchases etc are done with the tax return. We get all our taxes back because we are so low income. Last year we got around $5,000. This year we should get around the same and plan to use $2,000 to pay off our only credit card, put aside $500 for getting the yard and garden going in the spring, and the rest to be either saved or put toward my student loans.

With regards to Groceries... I plan my meals ahead of time and cook from scratch. We also are a vegetarian house. We also get WIC which gives us a lot of free things that help to cut food costs a lot.

Thats our budget!

[teamrose.livejournal.com]

YOU are amazing. I'm hoping that once the fiance and I get married and he's in the army we will be able to buckle down and start saving. We have about $25,000 saved right now and I'm hoping to put that towards a house in our *near* future.

What do you guys do if you need diapers? Or hygiene items? I always try to budget but then some unfactored item comes about and I feel forced to go over...

[thekitchenvixen.livejournal.com]

Well we use cloth diapers (just about the cheapest kind, too!) but they are workhorses and will last through BOTH of our children.
For hygiene items, we use our personal money or grocery money depending on the week.
I also have had unfactored items or wants come into play. At that point I list something for sale online or on craigslist or take it to a consignment shop. It also helps me to keep the house decluttered because if something is coming in the house, something needs to leave the house first. I am NOT a pack-rat kind of personality. If I am not using something on a regular basis I have no problem selling it to make some cash.

[teamrose.livejournal.com]

Niki, I totally agree with THIS.

It's unbelievable how expensive California has become. Even R and I were spending 1500 a month on living expenses, not including my student loans or our monthly bus passes. ;\

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I am so glad you are back on LJ. I really missed you.

Yes, I pretty much agree with you. However, it's not as easy as just "doing it." I cannot just quit and retain any integrity, personal or professional. I think the earliest I could be gone is early May. However, this is becoming more and more what I want.

We can't move town immediately for a couple of reasons:
Not enough in savings, Adam takes a while to warm up to change, finding place/jobs/housing/etc. But I have mentioned that I want to gone by summer 2010.

We DO need to more thrifty, creative and resourceful.

----My sis just called. She advocates moving sooner too.

I don't know. I have some ideas. Basically A and I need to have a "come to Jesus" talk.

[livingdeadpan.livejournal.com]

"I realized that I hadn't thought through this whole "having a baby" thing."

I'm pretty sure this is impossible, so don't beat yourself up over it.

[norasma.livejournal.com]

that. After having two, I realize that you learn things as they come, if you had figured out everything before you had bennett I would be scared ... and jealous.
I knew nothing when I had Nora, I had only instinct to go on, and though usually right, sometimes it was VERY wrong, I still don't know what I'm doing, and sometimes can only try to amend the decisions I've made.
I think you should go with your gut lady. Ben wont be little forever, if you can do it, then I'd go for it. Annnnnd, if it turns out your home three weeks and think, oh I really miss working, the you'll figure out some way of finding balance I'm sure, you're smart, and it sounds like you have a pretty loving partner to support you.

[miss-swamp.livejournal.com]

My job is 100% perfect for me and I'm not breastfeeding. But even so, it's so hard! I hate leaving every morning and missing stuff. "Guess what Bobby did today?" and I almost can't stand to find out. It'll be even worse in January when it's a near-stranger instead of my mom. As it is, we're getting a home equity loan to pay our less-than-ideal nanny. I spend my lunch every day looking at baby pictures and memorizing J's baby website.

If we could afford for one of us to quit, it should be J because I have better benefits, a higher salary, and union guarantees. I'd still miss stuff, but it would feel better.

Of course, Seattle may be cheaper than the Bay Area but it's not cheap. For one of us to stay home, one of our grandparents would have to die.

[(Anonymous)]

I love you. You will figure this out. I'm excited for your vacation! Thinking of you...and it's cold here too. Your package should be coming soon! :-)

[(Anonymous)]

PS-I wish I had more to offer in the realm of parenting. I think you're facing difficult decisions and no easy answers. But knowing you, you will find a way to figure out what's best for all three of you.
And wow, some of your LJ friends have some seriously great tips!

[kimsansf.livejournal.com]

oh man... that is rough!
I definitely understand the whole having a baby and living on nothing in the bay area thing. its really hard.... i want to take time off just to dissertate without working, but we cant afford childcare if i dont work.... course if I work, Ill never finish and never make mroe money!

I can empathize with the pumping at work/ trying to work with the baby right there thing. it just doesnt work. :hugs:

Im so sorry about the whole scandal thing.... i hope you guys figure ssomething out that works for you. we moved to oakland because the rent is cheaper here...

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I may have to quit my dissertation. I can't work AND research/write, and to do both/either I'd still need some childcare. Although I am wondering if there isn't another dissertating family out there that might want co-op child care. That would be the only way I could do it.

[sapphire-kittum.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't be pumping in the bathroom, let alone facing a wall hoping that no-one walks in on you. At the very least, you should have privacy, like an office or a lounge room. I'd definitely bring that up with your boss, because that is so unacceptable. (Or is there nowhere else to go?)

[teamrose.livejournal.com]

This,.

I know California has labor laws in place for this type of thing. Certain amount of breaks for such and such an amount of time, private area, and some places even provide the pumps.

But being where you work, I'm not sure if there is such an area, but the law does still exist - if you wanted to push on it.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

HA! I'm the HR person..... All the offices have windows into the rest of the office and my office is shared. But I've used Adam's since his is the most "away" and that was better.

[automata.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to catch up on LJ . . . did you get robbed in addition to all this??? Holy shit.

Can you move back up to AK for a year or two and have your folks help with child care?

It would be awesome if you guys lived up here!

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it. Man, I miss Juneau.

[snowcalla.livejournal.com]

Like you need MY thoughts, but I'll give them anyway....

Cut your losses and move. The Bay Area IS expensive and there are far less expensive, yet still culturally exciting, places to live. Some are close to you.

If your goal, right now is to stay home while the babe is still a babe (if I had it to do over agabin I would have stayed home until J was in school) then Adam needs to start applying for jobs in areas where you want to live. Once he gets a job, you move.

The economy isn't great, unemployment is up - BUT!!!! there are still companies out there looking for quality employees. Houses are friggin cheap, now (and for a year) is the time to buy.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Yeah there is certainly change afoot. And your perspective is always welcome.