Things that have been on my mind lately
Apr. 22nd, 2004 01:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theatokosIt's the end of the semester. One month to go. Papers and essays to write. Latin to keep up with. Gotta finish strong. Thankfully, I like all of my remaining assignments. I just gotta focus. Which is a challenge becuase I'm such a day dreamer and also becuase...
All of this thinking of baptism has me distracted, at least academically. I am pondering levels of commitment and what it would mean to actually join a church. I'm not a group person, I hope/plan to retain my witchy ways and individualism, just within the context of community. But, maintaining the status quo is safer and easier, because I know how to do what I'm doing now, which is what I've always done. Trying something new, relying on others, throwing in my lot with a community.... all things I don't really know how to do.
And if I do really pursue this, what about this circle I was thinking of apprenticing with? I'm not sure I can be consistent in two places. This I need to figure out by the end of the weekend. Personal practice is not the issue; it's more the level of involvement communally and my consistency. Of course these issues bring up a lot of personal things, like patterns, commitment, and relationships. Fear. Hopes. Expectations. All of those things... which tie into...
How do I write about this love that seems to keep expanding like an ocean? Each time I think I may be approaching its limit I find that it is deeper and more expansive than I thought. I am overwhelmed with the unexpected beauty of this hope and the saftey of support and trust. I am scared only because this love is surpassing my reality, yet is so real that it is a fact, just like the earth is round and the sun rises in the west. I patiently anticipate the joy in each day and the accumulation of that joy in the future. Essentially, this man rocks my world and I want to have 10 million of his babies.
All of this thinking of baptism has me distracted, at least academically. I am pondering levels of commitment and what it would mean to actually join a church. I'm not a group person, I hope/plan to retain my witchy ways and individualism, just within the context of community. But, maintaining the status quo is safer and easier, because I know how to do what I'm doing now, which is what I've always done. Trying something new, relying on others, throwing in my lot with a community.... all things I don't really know how to do.
And if I do really pursue this, what about this circle I was thinking of apprenticing with? I'm not sure I can be consistent in two places. This I need to figure out by the end of the weekend. Personal practice is not the issue; it's more the level of involvement communally and my consistency. Of course these issues bring up a lot of personal things, like patterns, commitment, and relationships. Fear. Hopes. Expectations. All of those things... which tie into...
How do I write about this love that seems to keep expanding like an ocean? Each time I think I may be approaching its limit I find that it is deeper and more expansive than I thought. I am overwhelmed with the unexpected beauty of this hope and the saftey of support and trust. I am scared only because this love is surpassing my reality, yet is so real that it is a fact, just like the earth is round and the sun rises in the west. I patiently anticipate the joy in each day and the accumulation of that joy in the future. Essentially, this man rocks my world and I want to have 10 million of his babies.