Spring cleaning

[theatokos]

In the last month I have been to L.A., Anchorage, and Seattle. I now plan to stay home a bit more, spring clean my apartment over the next 3 weeks, as well as spring clean myself with Lent. I like Lent for that reason. Not the "I'm giving stuff up (like chocolate. please.) so I can suffer with Jesus" baloney, but the "I'm going vegan and giving up alcohol in an effort to cleanse myself both internally and externally, in keeping with the season -after heavy winter foods and preparing for the burst of true spring coming soon- and in keeping with all the great spiritual traditions that have recognized a need to clear away excess in order to invite in something special." That's Lent to me.

Along the lines of simplification, cleansing, and restoring balance to one's life, I am 99% decided to forgo PhD studies at this time. I've been dragging my heals on the application. I've been thinking of it in terms of "Once I get my advanced degree, then I'll take myself seriously." Bullshit. It's clear I have the skills and support to get a PhD. I've got the languages, the research skills, the enjoyment for reading and school, but I do not have the desire to grow up to be a university professor. Listening to a couple of friends talk about their programs, their struggles, the publishing, the departmental politics.... I do not care about any of that. Therefore, I can a write a book on my own time and not have to stress about extra debt. I can always go back for that PhD if it becomes crucial to my career. That's my reasoning. I feel almost entirely convinced. It's just hard to give up a plan I've had for myself since I was about 12. Good thing it's Lent.

(Also, I want to move to Seattle tomorrow. I don't care how great my job is. Oakland, the Bay Area, Berkeley especially, I'm done with you - you of the overpriced everything and the uninspiring food, and massive sprawl, unmasked by verdant trees and undistracted by snow peaked mountain ranges, you of the fancy car owning hordes.)

Comments

[epymetheus.livejournal.com]

The bravest souls forsake the comfort of certainty for the difficulty of the unknown not because they want the struggle of learning, but the joy of discovery.

A.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Hmmm.... that's either a nod to fosaking the PhD, in which case I say - yup, I'm leaving open a great big gap in my life plan in order to leave room for something new.

Or, it's nod to my whining/pining for more comforting climes, in which case I offer a fuck you with a smile!

(Also, you didn't make up that quote, did you?)

[epymetheus.livejournal.com]

It was a nod to your embracing of the struggle, that is all.

I'm always in this position where I feel like I should post something, but everything I have to say I've already said or is too intimate for public consumption, so I'm stuck saying something lame. Oh well, lame is alright, I suppose.

(Yes, in fact I did make that quote up. In fact, it wasn't a quote until you made it a quote).

A.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Well, it's a fantistic quote. And you know your support means the world to me. I wish I wasn't so darn scared of the joy of discovery. Why do I have to be so weird? Why?