456 Don't Know St., Apt. # Dunno

[theatokos]

I have reached a place of seeming serenity. I am a happy person bobbing around in a sea of confusion. It's an odd combo to be. I am freakishly capable and yet continue to second-guess myself regularly. I have decided not to pursue the PhD, but now what? I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. None.

I know that tonight the Future Governor of Alaska is cooking me dinner and we're gonna talk spirituality and Deep and Meaning Things. I know that spring is here.

After 3 decades of saying I'm not ambitious, I've come to realize that I am ambitious, I just don't know yet in which direction to focus my ambition. Someone come spin me blindfolded and we'll see where I end up.

I think also that when I don't like something I just walk away and opt out. Which makes me quite a happy person, surrounded by people I choose and things I like, but I'm not sure that's the most mature response in the world.

So, now that I have the clarity of what my issues are, what the hell do I do now?

I've been silent a lot lately, so something is brewing. It's been that kind of season.

Comments

[epymetheus.livejournal.com]

A season of silence
A season of loss
A season of heat
And a season of frost

A season of trees
A season of dust
A season of could
and a season of must

A season of wind
A season of drought
A season of faith
For a season of doubt

A season for each of
the storms of our soul
A season for each of
our unreasoned hearts

A.

[goddessofmercy.livejournal.com]

So, now that I have the clarity of what my issues are, what the hell do I do now?

such a good question, and such a hard question. i'm glad you are feeling serene about your choice though. it seems like the right one for you.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Really? What makes you say that? It's nice to get reassuring feedback though.

[goddessofmercy.livejournal.com]

Really? What makes you say that? It's nice to get reassuring feedback though.

because i think it's really hard when someone realizes that what they've been moving towards isn't right for them anymore. that kind of life shift requires so much internal and external reevaluation and consideration. it's a good thing really, but it's so major that i think of it as "hard."