One handed entry - sleeping babe in arms

[theatokos]

Finally, Adam and I are alone. My mum left this morning. This is the first time we have ever truly been left alone with our baby. He is 5 weeks old.

I am this guy's mama. That reality is slowly setting in. At last. The other night I shed some tears while breast feeding, overwhelmed with happiness and the immensity that this little person is *mine*, I built him, flesh of my flesh and all that. I even got choked up at Wall*E* (Adam & I took advantage of my mother to have a date), the innocence and very black heart nature of the main character reminded me of those qualities I see in B (and infants in general). I was also (am usually these days) extraordinarily tired and just haven't had much space to process the stress and intense emotions of the last 5 weeks.

I still feel hounded by Kaiser. Since coming home, a week ago tomorrow, I have been back to Kaiser for my postpartum follow up check and have had 2 home health nurse visits to see how Benn is doing. I thought once we left the NICU we would be done with taking his temperature and logging how many minutes of breast feeding (how many minutes on each side? how often? how many times during the night? etc), at what time was his last poopy diaper and what was the color and consistency of it? AHG!!! Plus, he must be weighed (new borns, at least this one, hate being naked, and he has to be naked to be weighed). The home health nurse wanted him to gain 2 ounces in 2 days, but he only gained 1/2 an ounce so I had to listen to yet another litany of suggestions for better feeding. I'm going to call on Monday and cancel any repeat visits. I'm sick of it. I feel beset by Medical Advice. Do all new mothers have to keep such detailed tracking of the minutae of feedings and diapers and hours slept?? I was so hoping that would end when we left the hospital.

I am more worked about this than I realized.

However, I have realized some things about our NICU experience for which I am grateful. I will post about those, maybe later today.


*Wall*E is spectacular. I hope it gets nominated for a best picture Oscar. The first third of the movie is some of the most beautiful animation ever. Pixar's ability to create films that have meaning (the environmental and consumer messages of this film may or may not be subtle...) as well as keep a 4yr old amused are unparalleled. I want to go see this again, soon.

Comments

[howilearned.livejournal.com]

wifey and I are sending you all lurve and strength and energy from the LA area (sans the air pollution.)!!! stoopid kaiser. looking forward to seeing wall-e. I too am huge fan of pixar, esp. for their relentless attention to good storytelling even while pushing cg animation to the cutting edge.

[inkprincess.livejournal.com]

i wouldn't be able to handle that either. i was annoyed at having to take Lily to her 2 week checkup when we had just taken her home from the hospital a few days earlier! lol

we don't have to keep track of wet/poopy diapers and anything like that. that would really annoy me!

but he's home and all yours now!! :)

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I don't actually do any of it. The nurse asks and I estimate. I mean, come one. I'd have to spend half my day charting to keep track of all of that! And who cares?? I'm feeding on demand, learning his cues, trying to keep myself hydrated (and maintain at least decent self care), trying to keep Benn feeling warm and safe and trusting that these things will bring about some healthy growth - in his own time, not according to some chart's determining. Bah, I say.

[lopezuna.livejournal.com]

Hi, me again. I feel you about the repeated interactions with the medical profession, when all you want to do is to get on with building your new life with the baby. On the weighing thing, do you have a bunch of standard onesies? Then if he's dressed in one of them, you don't have to make him naked, because you can figure out how much it weighs and subtract it, along with the standard weight of the diaper.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Hmmm.... good idea about the onesie. We cloth diaper and he usually pees when the lady is handling him. But I am going to cancel the home visits. We have our first pediatrician appointment on Tues and that I'm looking forward to. That seems "normal" - like all parents do that!

It's also very odd to read up on babies, because Bennett is a premie and so has some definite characteristics of premies, but then he also seems to fall in line with a lot of newborn stuff and then also some stuff for 5 weekers. But I suppose no kid develops "by the book."

premies

[lopezuna.livejournal.com]

Yup, the books about infant development are kind of confusing if your kid is born early. I looked for a book about premies, but didn't find anything I liked. My kid also seemed like a typical newborn for some stuff, behind for other things. Now at 3 and a half months, he's still tiny for his calendar age but otherwise within the range of normal. I guess it's hard to generalize, because of all the different reasons babies are born early. I decided not to worry about it in the end and just to enjoy him how he is. So good luck with the ped appointment, hope you hit it off with him/her!

[thekitchenvixen.livejournal.com]

No, most other parents DON'T log all that stuff. Well... maybe they do? I never did. I think that you having the knowledge, trusting your body, and sending loving vibes to your baby is what will really make him grow and thrive. Sounds like you are doing amazing already!

p.s. I MUST see Wall E

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

My child/ren will be raised on Miyazaki and Pixar!

And thanks. We're trying over here, me and Adam. Today was a horrible day B-wise. He has been FUSSY and once he gets worked up he's really hard to de-escalate. I hate when he expends so much energy being upset.... possible weight loss. He got over stimulated today and it just derailed the whole day. Sigh. Here's hoping he's so tired he'll sleep in 4 hour chunks tonight and get rested up.

[thekitchenvixen.livejournal.com]

I am sure you guys are doing fantastic. I wanted to mention that Niyama (at less than two years of age) is IN LOVE with Miyazaki films. She especially loves Spirited Away, which is her favorite movie ever. She used to point to Sen and say "Me!" - she thought the movie was about her! She also loves Princess Mononoke even though it has a few scary parts. She isn't fond of Nausicaa though. Kiki's Delivery Service is always a fav for her. Any anime girls she calls "Kiki".

[goldenmoonbear.livejournal.com]

WALL-E might be one of my favorite-ist movies ever.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Yes! As soon as I saw it, I wanted to see it again! That is rare for me.