I am a zombie

I went to the city today for a working rehearsal of the San Fransisco Symphony. I got to hear all of Stravinksy's Le Sacre du Printemps and the tail end of his Fire Bird, as well as two movements of Tchaikovsky's second symphony. Oh so good. Incredible conducting. Michael Tilson Thomas, the conductor, even did the first moevement of Le Sacre... *with his score closed.*

But I am a zombie now, after my morning in the city and my long walk in the sun to epymetheus's work place for lunch. We wandered around SBC Park. It looks a lot like Safeco Field in Seattle. I had little fantasies of living back in Capital Hill on the BART ride back to the Easy Bay.

Had a long talk with a professor/friend here, GJ we call him. He encouraged me to apply at Cal for a PhD program. After some research I have discovered that Cal doesn't have a PhD in religious studies. The only thing close enough is history and....... no. So. That takes care of that. However, I have been narrowing down thesis ideas. How does looking at Mary's appropriation of celtic goddess myhtology and symbols in early Christian Ireland sound? Sounds managable and interesting. Maybe GJ will be on my thesis committee. (I'm thinking out loud now) And maybe Joe, my Mary class teacher. And maybe Rosemary Radford Ruether- a girl can dream can't she?

I am looking forward to french fries and coleslaw in the cafeteria tonight.

(no subject)

Right now, I'm sick of this PhD nonesense. I don't care! I don't want to become ubergeek and kiss ass to know "those in the know" and publish just because it looks good on the resume! No no no!

But what the hell do I do around here if I DON'T go on to a PhD program? I don't want to move to New Jersey or LA or Atlanta. I also don't want to be making $8/hr at bookstore for the rest of my life.

There's always music. Or whoring.


I'm obsessed. I'm totally confused. I feel really lost. When I get this way I just fall back on doing my own thing. It's worked for me so far.

On a happier note, at dinner (no, the food was not happy) I articulated well my thoughts on Jesus and why I like him, his example of the fullness of divinity in humanity and the example that redemption is real and needed, but that we save ourselves and eachother. I've never understood the strange theological math (divine economy it's called) that gets worked out that God somehow needed to kill off a chunk of himself in human form to pay himself for the sin of humanity. Huh? That's a weird god who needs some psychotherapy.