Life with B

When it comes to Bennett, Adam and I are pretty lucky. We've managed to keep living our lives - modified of course. Our personal spiritual practices are quite short, I'm lucky if I get 20 minutes of easy yoga 4 times a week and lucky if I get more than 5 minutes of meditation a day. We've managed to go out with friends, be spontaneous, and figure out a sleeping/feeding "schedule" that allows us some rest. We're especially lucky that B loves to be in the sling and will just conk out. But then... he also hates to be put down for too long. He LOVES being up close to one of us. It's incredibly sweet, but if I can manage to leave him in his basket I want more than that 20 minute window.

My patience is faltering. When does he get fun? He smiles rarely. He's alert a lot, but he's not interested in socially engaging yet. He is either chill and observant or crying. I know he'll get chipper on his own schedule, but it would be a nice incentive for me. It's hard to read about other people's babies being all cute and smiley and gaining weight, when B is still only 6 1/2 pounds. He's 8 1/2 weeks and still in premie clothes! Ack! I know... he's gaining on his own time. I can tell he's growing and developing. His alert times are more alert and he's grown out of his special goodmama-style premie diapers - only in length though, not in girth. I wonder if I'm going to have a string bean for a son!

Plus, the little guy is eating like there's no tomorrow. My boobs are getting sore. Yesterday I nursed him in between interviews (not so fruitful, sigh) and when we got home he nursed for 2 /12 hours straight! AAAAHH! And *then* he was still hungry! I was close to tears because I so worn out so I went to bed and Adam ended up feeding him 6 oz of formula in an hour. Holy COW. And because of the constant eating he's wetting more often and in greater volume so I'm doing laundry just about every day. I should've gotten more diapers!

The pediatrician said she expected B to catch up size and weight wise by 6 months. That's only 4 months away and I wondered how that would be possible. .....by spending the next four months in a feeding frenzy, that's how!

I cooked dinner - with most things from scratch!

This might elicit a "so what? you used to do that all the time." But I haven't since I had Bennett. I've cooked two honest to goodness meals since giving birth (Annie's mac n cheese with chard doesn't count). Tonight I made chicken enchiladas verdes. I got good meat from a butcher. I roasted the chilies and tomatillos and made my own salsa verde, made the chicken with my own homemade chicken broth. YUM. SO GOOD.

This meal did not come with out a price. It is *very* hard to manoeuver in a kitchen with a newborn. Benn was content in a bouncy chair thing for about 20 minutes and then he started to fuss. I was in the middle of chopping onions, their juice all over my hands. I had to finish and wash my hands before getting to him. By that time he was screaming. So I stuck him in a sling and, as per usual, he passed right out. Trying to negotiate the knives, fridge, stove, sauces, and oven with a baby on me was hard. And.... I hate to admit this, but... leaning into the oven to rotate the pan with the chilies and tomatillos Benn let out one cry. I thought it was the heat in the face. I backed out quickly and held his head in my hand. Later, during the meal, with him on the boob, I realized I had burnt a small patch on his head. Oh god. I'm a horrible mother! I relieve my guilty conscience by remembering that he wasn't that upset (he didn't cry more than that one cry), that I didn't break the skin, and his little blister will pass.

(I'm not really worried about being a bad mother. How many stories have I heard about kids rolling off tables or falling over in carseats or some such awful ocurrence? Some how we all grow up just fine.)