run down

Today is the first day that I want a break. Maybe some one else can come feed B for a while? I don't want to do laundry. Or tidy. I really really want 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep. No cuddling. No touching. I want my eye brows waxed, a foot massage, a trip to the Japanese baths, half a bottle of a really good zinfandel. I'm starting to feel guilty over all the little (and big) things that I've let slide. My lack of an attention span. The calls gone unreturned, though those are few, the lapse in any creative or intellectual output, the bare minimum I'm contributing at my job. I can tell I'm over tired because I'm starting to have money panic. But I shouldn't be surprised. I've not had an income for two months and I've eaten away at our savings buying diapers and paying rent. I'm sick of wearing my baggy, ill fitting clothes and long to fit into my prepregnancy jeans. I look at them and think - damn! I was thin! But I've only lost 3 pounds in two months. I am constitutionally and idealistically opposed to diets. Please god, don't make me have to go on one, pleeeeaase. And I think I'm coming down with a little bit of a cold. Unsurprising.

Adam is working from home later today. I am hoping he can take B for most of the day so I can do my own thing. In between feedings.

(no subject)

Oh man. The voices are loud in my head today.

And I feel like rthe worst mother ever. Adam is taking B this afternoon and he even made me lunch. But I head B making noises and the first thing I thought was "Oh please don't wake up! I don't want to feed you!"

But of course, when he wakes up I will.