More fail

[theatokos]

The sinus cold has officially set in. I made the mistake of checking work email to write some notes to myself before bed. I got one email that is just icing on the cake of fail that is tonight's event. I was fuming. And now, after some blocks of sleep (none really consecutive as B is a little stuffy and there fore sleeping fitfully), I feel a bit more clear headed. I also am extremely clear that I am quitting. It feels good to be clear.

I pulled the 3 of coins reversed this morning. This is a reminder not be childish, not to diminish other's work or my own. Work is unsuccessful, there are conflicts - no surprise there! I am angry and frustrated with my bosses and I will tell them so, but not in the hot headed, blaming, yelling voice that I wanted to last night. Today's circumstances are some of the worst in which to be announcing my departure, but if I want to tell them face to face, that's how it needs to be.

I really want to be black heart about everything. I'm not there this morning, but I'm making efforts to be as grounded as I can be, as focused on what is really important - relationship, honesty, following through, boundaries.

On the positive side, the rain continues to downpour here. Much much needed wet. I love the grey sky - it's like a wet comfortable snuggly comforter.

Comments

[keypike.livejournal.com]

It's funny (maybe that's not the right word?) but you've titled the last couple posts as 'fail' - yet you sound very calm, clear and resolute...which to me is not 'fail' at all.

We're so different with respect to weather....grey & rain drags me down wheras clear blue skies (despite the temperature) bring me so much optimism and internal cheer.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that - I am clear. Although I don't look forward to tonight's event. It is very much made of fail.

[sapphire-kittum.livejournal.com]

I hope that your sinus cold goes away quickly. :(

Good luck with quitting!

[erinya.livejournal.com]

You do sound very clear, not fail, as was observed above. Good luck with the announcement.

Your icon tickles me. :-)