Come on, mojo....

[theatokos]

I'm feeling better. No longer sick. THANK GOD. But now I face the struggle to get motivated for my work again. On one hand I'm ready to go - bring on social outings, long walks in the chill and the damp, play time with Bennett, etc. On the other hand, I want just a little more time to read novels, to soak in the quiet of the season. The short days, damp weather, dark evenings really make me want to slow down and sit with friends, not hole up and plunk out a paper.

I recognize this. I know that I need to get to work earlier in the mornings when it's light so I can get work out of the way and get home to snuggly boys and warm beverages. But, of course, I can always find one more reason for dragging my feet in the morning. Bennett's sleeping has taken a MASSIVE turn for the worse. 18 month sleep regression? I don't know, but he's nursing and fussing like he's 6 months old. And papa won't do, OH NO. He must have boob and mama's arms. So even after 12 hours in bed, I've probably only had 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

But I think right now I just want to be a mommy. I don't want to be a student. Not this week. Today I really don't care about degrees and mariology. I feel like my school work was really just the excuse to get here. I hope this feeling passes.

Comments

[chiv.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear things are picking up and the 'ick' has subsided.
I wonder though if you're being a bit ambitious; I barely did any reading-for-leisure during my undergrad and I'm not getting much in now. It's one of those things that found themselves way down the list of priorities.

As for the lack of sleep, and I'm well aware that this will find itself in the 'what-the-hell-does-he-know' pile... night is for sleeping, meal times are for feeding and/or occasionally mommy might be unavailable sometimes even when he can see her (like when your trying to study, or when little brother or sister eventually appears). He can't have mommy on tap as and when he demands her. Otherwise you'll find yourse'f being woken up by his scout leader, demanding you drive 200 miles to pick him up from camp because he's on his second hour of a temper tantrum.*

*In order to spare the identity of the individual in this actually true anecdote, genders and organizations have been changed.

[chiv.livejournal.com]

Oh, Happy Thanksgiving by the way. Hope the meal (tonight?) goes well.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I understand your perspective, and I do indeed file it under 'what the hell does he know?' We are going to night wean in December, but right now he's entirely out of sorts in general. His night times have not been this bad in a long time.

The novels were my sickness reading and my reading to Bennett at night. When in school last time I don't think I read a novel, even at vacation times. Right now, though, I'm craving them.

[msmidge.livejournal.com]

That sounds familiar. It sure isn't fun.

Having a must-do target like writing 5 "shitty first draft" pages per day or an hour per day, in your office and not at home, might help get stuff done. Then you might not feel the guilt of not working.

Of course, I've been breaking all the rules I've made for myself lately about work and packing boxes, so it may be that once you get to a certain level of life chaos it doesn't matter what rules you make.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I think I just got hit smack in the face with all the stress - emotional (several years of being unhappy in Oakland) and mental/physical/organizational after moving - and the down time, despite illness, drove it all home. But yes, I do need to get to work. I just don't want to. Sigh.

[readthisandweep.livejournal.com]

Hope you feel better soon, soon. I'm determined to stay away from anyone with even the hint of a germ ~ Molly coughed over me again & it shows, albeit not seriously ~ because being ill is the pits. I dare not see you!

Hopefully though, when it feels safe we can catch up & have lunch in the TH Cafe ;)

[miss-malloreee.livejournal.com]

Anna has been sleeping awful as well. Is it an 18 month sleep regression, teeth or the cold she has? I have no idea but it sucks. Hang in there!

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I think it was 3 molars coming in at once a few weeks ago, but that was mild compared to this. And he had a cold earlier in the week. But I'm convinced now that it's the 18month regression, because it's affecting his day times too. HOO BOY.