A Fresh Start

Moved apartments Friday and Saturday. Adam did the lion's share of just about everything. Some friends came and helped on Friday, so I stuck to one small box of kitchen and bathroom items at a time. But, at least, those rooms are the only ones entirely put away! It's so quiet and cool in the back of the building.

Sunday was spent working a conference. I didn't get to hear Judith Plaskow speak (I'm annoyed), but whatever. I sat next to her at dinner Sat night. Ha! The one interesting highlight of the day for me was the rumor (confirmed via Wikipedia, whatever that's worth, and Variety) I heard that the Cohen brothers will direct the film version of Michael Chabon's Yiddish Policemen's Union. Which I think is AWESOME. My only hope (oh please!!) is that they film at least some of it on location. They're the kind of directors that would, right?

While tidying up today I realized my stack of books is growing rapidly. A little out of hand I might say.

Here is the stack:

*Journal of the American Academy of Religion
*East/West - another religion studies journal
*Nancy Farmer The Sea Trolls - a young adult book given to me by a like-minded junior high principal; have read the first 20 pages
*Real Sex Lauren Winner - a book on chastity from a Christian point of view; I'm one third of the way through
*Goldfinger - next in the Bond series; I have read the first chapter
*Moby Dick - because I keep hearing how good it is
*What is Gnosticism? Karen King - I borrowed this from my boss, because I want to know more about Gnosticism, even though I'm not a fan of it
*Bone Jeff Smith - a 1400 page graphic novel which I started on the plane ride back from Alaska
*Two issues of Maria - a Marian studies journal; I am working my way through all of them as part of my reading for school

Also, I just finished and put away What's the Matter with Kansas, which I read on a very good friend's advice. It was only okay. Like I need or want any more information reminding me just how divided this country is.

I am reading (still) Sarah Boss, my adviser's book Empress and Handmaid, on nature and gender in the cult of the Virgin Mary. The chapter on the Immaculate Conception is a revelation to me. I have so much to learn! Most of my understanding of traditional views of original sin come from the Augustinian view point: that thanks to concupiscence (lust, essentially) no conception is pure and all flesh is tainted with sin. Anselm (1033-1109), an important Catholic theologian who I am mostly unfamiliar with, "taught that original sin was the absence of the original justice with which the world was created". I can't parse exactly what the nuances of this are yet, but it jives a whole hell of lot more with I perceive sin to be. And, according to my adviser, it was this view of creation that inspired the doctrine of Immaculate Conception; it was out of a desire to preserve the goodness and integrity of creation and flesh as exemplified in Mary that the Immaculate Conception was first discussed.

This is a big shift for my brain. I have long railed against the Immac. Conc. and the idea of original sin. I loathed the idea that Mary needed to be preserved from the foulness of the flesh. She has always been to me an example of true unity of spirit and flesh/creation. Like the Buddhists reaching Nirvana and becoming one in spirit with the great Void, Mary is an example of uniting the distracted human spirit embodied in created flesh with the Divinity of God, while still living on this earth. I have considered this a sign that life is not as depraved as so many strains of Christianity would have us believe, that sin (pick your definition) isn't so insurmountable, and that creation and flesh are not incompatible with union with God. And that is possible for us humans and possibly in this lifetime. At the very least, we can touch and taste the sweetness evidenced by all the saints that go before us. (I do not limit only Christian saints in this example. I'm quite pluralistic.)

This is why I study theology. For every week that I feel shrouded in the dark frustrations of maddening theologies (or, annoyed and dismayed by stupid old white men spouting off conclusions that make me feel like I'm wasting my time and killing my faith), there are days where goodness, truth and beauty shine out and I feel like I'm not crazy, or alone.

I am a mess. Internally. Just cranky as can be. Resentful. Annoyed. And all of that makes me tired and lethargic and I've wasted an hour of my Study Time looking at a bibliography instead of actually reading. Sheesh. This foul mood will pass, thank god, and not quickly enough! I have put most of the books I am looking for on my wish list at BookMooch. But chances are good that no one has any of these. Even used many of these are expensive. The theology ones anyway. I have lots of other fun things on there too.

Externally life is good. Saw Sweeney Todd at the American Conservatory Theatre on Friday and it was awesome. Really worth seeing if you ever get the chance. I loved the crazy staging - everyone is on stage the entire time and the characters play multiple instruments. I liked the creepiness of the show and the flat out craziness of every character. The quality of the singing and acting was quite good too. Sondheim feels much like opera to me. He's a great bridge between modern opera and musical theatre. His scores are hard to sing, not overly melodic, require the audience to think, and there is next to no speaking.

Saw a preview for Rendition last night. The movies stars a host of good actors: Reese Witherspoon (who needs to be my friend - she is an unabashed feminist!), Jake Gyllenhall, Alan Arkin, Meryl Streep. While I agree with the message and politics of the film, and I found the film to be well made, I didn't find it engaging as a film. The pacing didn't suit me, I never got attached to any of the characters because the parts never went very deep, and I thought the ending to be weak and cut off. I have a few other criticisms but I don't want to spoil it for those of you who will see it. Still, it's good to bring this horrible subject to the general publics' attention.

Tonight I have to attend a lecture my boss is giving at the Jewish Community Center in San Francisco. I'm sure it will be very good, as my boss is an incredible teacher and speaker. Every time I hear him present anything - be it grant proposal or classroom lecture- I learn something about eloquence. Still, it's got all this ridiculous politics around it (donors will be there! ooooo!) and that makes me even more annoyed than I already am.

I shall spare you any more of this nonsense.

It's shortly before 5am. I've gotten myself up early in hopes that I'll be so tired by mid-afternoon that I can sleep on the plane. Let's hope.

I have assembled my reading materials. Current issues of Bust, Yogi Times, Yoga Journal, and the Economist (assuming the locksmith comes early to open my mail box which has been unopenable for 5 days now). As well, Status Anxiety by Alain de Botton, Don't Think of an Elephant by George Lakoff and Dracula by Bram Stoker. All of these books have been sitting on my shelf for years and now is time to read them. I have two 9 hour flights, one four hour train ride and two 7 hour train rides on this trip. Not to mention the heinous waiting-around-the-airport hours to spend. I think I can get through most of this list.

I'm actually feeling the excitement to go. To see new things and meet new people. I finally get to start my work on Mary with a scholar who is doing great work in this field. I thought about taking some recent book in the field to cram in some new knowledge and kick start my theological brain, but I am about to start that reading in earnest very soon. This is my last chance for a while to read other stuff.

I'm actually itching for 9 hours on a plane. Nine hours where I can only chill out. Nine hours in which I have no responsibilities and even if my brain puts together a list of things that need to be done, I cannot do anything but sit and read and nap! It's forced chill out time. And I will not be able to numb out to the tv. I never thought I would look forward to the cattle car experience of traveling coach, but I am.

Returned late Wed. night. Miraculously my mac is working and there is internet to be jacked. Thank you to all for your well wishes. The wedding was a week ago today and I could not have asked for better weather. My mum tells me that if we had gotten married today none of the family would have been able to make it off the island - it's been so foggy they can't see the ferries pass in front of the island! They day itself was the perfect mix of sunshine and clouds, breeze and warmth. A limo picked up the wedding party from our respective "getting ready" places and we had time to kill so we stopped by a liquor store and procured two bottles of champagne: one for the ride to the glacier and one for the post-wedding ride to the reception. I highly recommend this to all who are planning a wedding. Takes the edge off and provides room for much laughter. Having a slightly tipsy wedding party is a good thing, in my book.

The reception too was nice. As it turns out I am glad we did not have a band play. Everyone was chatting away and angrynewcomer's jazz playlist and miss_ogony's more upbeat selections were just perfect for conversation.

There will be picture soon. Promise.

However, upon my return all the stress has finally caught up with me. I have been ill for a few days. It's nice to be back in California, as this is where my life is and where most of my friends are these days. There is an energy here that gets me amped up for my life. Although, the peace and beauty of South East Alaska feed that still place inside my soul. I miss the myriad shades of grey and green that the ocean and rain forest provide. Still, though, it's nice to count on sunshine every day - especially when one only has a bike for transportation.

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In other news, I have read numerous books inthe last two and half weeks:

*A book on Meher Baba, the title I forget. He is considered the Avatar, a reincarnation of Jesus, Muhammad and other great sages. I enjoyed reading this a lot. Much of what I like about Jesus was present in Meher Baba's own life, words and deeds. Much of what irritates me about Jesus was also present, but I found those things (a dislikeable self-righteousness, a need for unquestioning obedience, calling God 'He,' and a tendency to only teach and assist men. In fact Jesus may have more interactions with women than were noted in this book on Meher Baba.) less acceptable in this day and age.

*Two Jasper Fforde books, The Big Over-Easy and The Well of Lost Plots. Sheer ridiculous bookish silliness. Mind candy for those obsessed with books, especially detective genre fiction.

*An Agatha Christie mystery - something about murder in Iraq, Hercule Poirot, archeology, and bludgeoning.

*Jay McInerney's Bacchus and Me. Fantastic essays on wine. Makes me want to buy a bottle of everything he talks about so I can follow along better. After reading this book I also suspect that I have never had really good champagne. And I am reminded that I know shit about French and Italian wines.

*Eat Pray Love. I found this book Thursday morning at the place where Adam and I had breakfast on our way to get groceries. I need to mail it back to the woman who left it there since it had pay stubs, a pay check and other items in it marking her spot. I devoured this book in less than 24 hrs. It's fantastic. It's a spiritual memoir/travel journal book, but doesn't fall into the generic pretentiousness of most modern memoirs. If you love travel, yoga, Italy, India or Bali, I highly recommend this. goddessofmercy I'm looking right at you.

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Lastly, I did not get in. However, I made it past the first cull and I had only once suggestion on my feedback sheet for improvement: more depth. This is easily fixable: more singing. I cannot believe that nothing else was listed. None of the musicianship stuff I feared I'd bungled came up! I am not disappointed at all by this news. The audition was the most successful I've ever had and my schedule is much, much more free this year than it would otherwise be. And there's always next year. After more singing.

I have been plowing through Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters. Had I not been caught up in the Golden State Warriors' triumph over the Dallas Mavericks, the number one NBA team, in the current playoff frenzy last night I might have finished the book.

I read most of the first chapter in excerpted form in the most recent Bitch. I was deeply moved (a lot of it hit painfully home) and intrigued by the idea that perfectionism is feminism's offspring. The first and second chapters of Courtney Martin's book begins exploring the link between perfectionism, feminism and self-loathing, played out in the form of eating disorders. Our mothers, the second wave of feminism, established a more main stream feminist agenda, pushing for equal rights, equal pay, equal opportunity. Not that this has been accomplished, merely begun. While my mother was raised knowing that her career options were nurse, school teacher, secretary, mother (and maybe a few other things if she worked really, really hard), I was raised believing that I could be/can be anything I want. Firefighter? Yes. Lawyer? Certainly. CEO of a Fortune 500 company? Can do. President of the United States? Well..... let's be reasonable shall we. Women ten years my junior have even more options. Women out number men 2:3 at the undergrad level and in many graduate programs women number more than men. Never have so many women been so educated! Never have women had to work so hard to prove that they are worthy and deserving of their "places" at the table of equality; never have they had to prove so thoroughly that they are not disrupting male privilege.

Women not only have to be better students, better athletes, better workers than their male counterparts if they want to be taken seriously, they also have to look Hot to prove they are still women. Sadly, they have to be perfect and make it look effortless. As Martin says in her book, third wave feminists were told we could be anything, but we heard we have to be everything.

I think this analysis is important, and I haven't seen too much written about it. Unfortunately, Martin's book is only partially developing this analysis. (Maybe she'll surprise me in the last two chapters?) After the first two chapters this idea gets put on the back burner. She certainly does not criticize patriarchy. Martin is well-versed in feminist classics, but rarely uses that background overtly to explore the subject matter.

Instead Martin relies on story telling to expose the perfectionist tendencies of today's young women. When these stories come from the women and girls she interviewed by email and in person, they add up to a larger and very powerful and disturbing picture of what American women are struggling with. Unfortunately, much of the stories are Martin's personal reflections on her teenage and college years. Chapter 6, which claims to look at the link between body loathing and sex, is basically her best friend's story with very little analysis. Does every single friend Martin has ever had have an eating disorder? Sometimes I wonder if Martin isn't working through her own issues in preparation for her 10 year high school reunion. While it's important to write what we know, I often feel like she should have written a memoir or kept a blog. Martin was 25 when she wrote this book, so I feel a little harsh criticizing her efforts (she's young! it's her first book!), especially when this is a fresh perspective. Hearing women's voices, especially in matters as private as eating disorders and body images, is important, but Martin's personal stories speak louder than her research. While I don't need a hard and fast academic book, I find this tendency hinders her premise and waters down her analysis.

I recommend this book for those who have struggled with eating disorders or even just danced around them (or known those who have) and for those who struggle with the burden of perfectionism and who would like a gentle feminist perspective on these issues. I think it may appeal more to those under the age of 30, but mothers of daughters in college or high school may also want to read it.

Books I purchased:
Cabal by Micheal Dibdin - Black Lizard/Vintage Crime has always intrigued me even though I'm not much of a crime or mystery genre fan. I thought I'd give this a shot.

Beowulf by Seamus Heaney trans. - It's time to revisit this in a way that is not heinous. Plus, this edition is bilingual. Cool.

A Wrinkle in Time and A Wind in the Door by Madeleine L'Engle - I remember loving these as a kid. Time to revisit.

The Meaning of Night by Michael Cox - This was on the Economist's best of 2006 list. It was just sitting patiently on the shelf. I couldn't resist.

Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl - I hear it's great.....

I wish I knew when I was going to read these. I'm still working my way through Anne Carson's latest and a pretty dull book on panentheism.

Last night after yoga fictional_emily and I went to the Future Governor of Alaska's house and had risotto and wine. And then stilton, pears and port. We did some minor crafting. Mostly we made a mess and laughed a lot. I got to bed too late for a school night. I also drank way too much for midweek. I woke up with a nasty hangover and did not go into work. I feel so naughty! But it was the best choice and I've had quiet and stillness all day today!

I have spent most of the afternoon dorking about on Librarything. It's book nerd's dream. You catalog your books. You can see the beginnings of my library here. I have added all of the books in the bedroom and kitchen and a few off the top of my head from my theology shelves. I have yet to play around with the site and annotate anything. For instance, my Where the Wild Things Are is from 1963. I have a few other items of note, too. Also, some of the books are in this house thanks to Adam. I have listed those of his that I intend to read or have read. Therefore, I will not be adding tomes such as Mason & Dixon by Thomas Pynchon or Infinite Jest or anything by Robert Jordan or on poker.

I think this is so cool. Now to take a break from the cataloging of my books and to do some actual reading.

I hope everyone had a tasty Thanksgiving. It's such a strange holiday. How everyone cooks the same meal. I've always thought that odd. Thankfully this was year number three celebrating with a vegan so I feel like the same-old same-old at least gets a new twist. This year the food was amped up a notch of excitement as Adam deep-fried the turkey. Yes, ladies and gentleman - you've heard the rumor that it can be done! And Adam and I have tasted the proof! fictional_emily also saw the miracle of turkey with her own two eyes, but as she is the aforementioned vegan, none of it passed her lips. Let me just say that it was the best turkey I've ever had in my life. Highly recommended.

After dinner it was off to Sonoma County with Adam's parents. A fine trip and if I wasn't strapped for uninterrupted time I'd go into more details. Here's the dirty run-down:
*I love Sonoma and want to move there. We went walking/hiking at the Jack London State Historic Park. Very pretty. I miss trees.
*We saw the new Bond film. So good! Daniel Craig is magnificent as the new Bond. And, holy hot damn to boot! Plus, the "Bond girl" phenomenon was kept to a very respectable minimum. The main girl character was also very smart. Yay!
*We found the new mecca of wine tasting: Locals Wine Tasting. Mildly pretentious website, but a very nice place to taste wine and the wines are definitely some of the yummiest in the Sonoma valley - and some of the most affordable. Very exciting. Plus, the town is so small there isn't a stop light to be seen. Love it.
*I scored the new Nigel Slater cookbook The Kitchen Diaries.
*Lastly, we saw the Da Vinci Code movie. Adam's parents had it on DVD. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at some of the pontificating. Two caveats: Tom Hanks played down the main characters overwhelming arrogance and Sir Ian McKellen can act anyone under the table.

This concludes another boring list of what I've been up to.