A Fresh Start

Thing One:
Tuesday night Adam, fictional_emily (who's not posted once yet. Would you get on that?), the Future Governor of Alaska, and I went to see Hem in the city. I love Hem. They are unequivocally my favorite band. I love their kind of Americana-roots-whathaveyou kind of music. The lead singer, Sally, is also about 8 months pregnant. I thought it might throw off her breath control, 'cuz a full uterus just might inhibit the ol' diaphragm, but no. She sounded better than ever. I have plans to sing in a band like that. The opening band, Ollabelle, was AMAZING. I literally sat up in my seat. I liked them live better than their album (which I purchased at the show), which sounds accurate but a little compressed. I liked the raw, expansive quality of their live show.

During the show I just had such an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction. Excellent music inspiring my soul and creativity, plus good friends on all sides - people with whom I am completely in love with. Yes, in love with. What a blessing to feel that about the people in my life. It was a moment of joy.

Thing Two:
My upstairs neighbor and friend, Lauren Gard, wrote a great cover story about being fat for the Eastbay Express. Let me clarify: Lauren is not fat (far, far from it! Here I go proving the point of the last paragraph of the article.); the article was on the fat acceptance movement and how the anti-obesity craze is getting out of hand. I, for one, think there is an epidemic of unhealth in this country, however it comes in a variety of forms. One of those forms is obesity, certainly. Cheap, abundant crappy food is the norm and most people just don't get enough exersize. People are getting fatter and unhealthier. However, thanks to this, other people who are large naturally but still active and eat well get swept up into the fat hating anti-obesity campaigns. The second form of unhealth is the obsessive demand that women be thin. Thin doesn't equal healthy.

What really got me thinking in the article was the end comment that if we're not fat (and if we are we should feel shame) we're afraid of becoming fat. This is so true. Being stupid doesn't carry the same stigma as being fat. Being selfish or any other kind of character defect (save pedophilia) does not carry the stigma that being fat does. As much as I try to focus on health, I too am caught up in not being fat. Sometimes I think that I am invested in my size because I've been the same size for nearly 20 years. I haven't grown since I was 14 and I'm actually thinner than when I was 15. Yeah, I'm attached to being this size. But, there is still pressure to not get any bigger. Heaven forbid that I gain weight as my metabolism slows. Heaven forbid I get pregnant and don't lose the babyfat. Heaven forbid that I decided I want to eat even more cheese. It's really stupid when I think of it.

The article got me thinking about that whole "who am I not to be beautiful" kick I was on a few weeks ago. If truly fat women can do synchronized swimming and burlesque and feel great about themselves, then what's my excuse for being self conscious? What's yours? Who are we not to be beautiful?