Gun play

[theatokos]

This is a post for all those born male and for mothers of males.

If you are a male, did you play with guns? Did you turn non-gun items into imaginary guns? Do you think this is something innate in males? If not, where did you learn this behaviour from? As an adult male now do you have any parenting perspectives on this, or advice for the new mama of a male?

For mothers of males, do your sons play with guns or have gun play? If so, at what age did this start? Does this bother you? If so, how do you discourage this? Any thoughts for a new mama?

Comments

guns

[https://me.yahoo.com/a/Gwb2W.Y62dfG7c0V6pYxX3S4U9T5cDQ- (from livejournal.com)]

Well, I grew up with guns as a child, and I still have guns. I was never a gun nut as a child, never played the "pew pew" toy gun thing, although I loved any toy that could shoot a projectile, from the toy plastic disc guns to the ping pong ball popper things. Not because they were violent, but because the act of making it work was fascinating. I think it would be a mistake to underestimate the cognitive development issues in projectile play... children in every culture partake of it. Learning to throw a ball, a dart, shoot an arrow, or shoot a gun is something that is very difficult to learn off the cuff.

I am the guy who grew up in a pacifist church, remains a pacifist, owns firearms, and fiercely defends the second amendment. These are complex issues. I think every child should take a course in gun safety and basic marksmanship. Part of the fascination is with the unknown and the forbidden & dangerous. Basic gun safety was drilled into me as a youth and I could no more point a gun at another person casually than I could forget to hold my breath underwater. Also, remember that substance abuse is far more closely associated with violence than guns are... the biggest thing I would say is not to imagine gun play as some looming iceberg of violent thoughts.

When kids play with guns, they are dreaming of some sort of glory, largely sold to them as part of a long-standing implicit cultural need to prepare youth to embrace military service. (that's a whole other issue). Kids never play games around shooting their spouse over who took the last hit of meth, or holding up a liquor store. I think parents who obsess over play guns, yet let their kids push each other around, or fight with their spouse in the home, are completely whacked. I think people should worry more about demonstrating and living out non-violent lives and functional methods of dealing with conflict.

Jay

Re: guns

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I am so fascinated at the assumptions people have for my being curious about ideas around gun play. Jay, you should know me well enough to know that I don't assume that gun play will lead to domestic violence or holding up liquor stores. But I'm curious about the role of gun play. I see it more as culturally sanctioned power play in male children. Looking at the comments, girls too have "violent" play, and I think finding safe outlets for our power and physicality is a natural and important part of developing.

Obviously, Adam and I will do our best to raise Bennett to deal with conflict in non-violent ways. I don't think we will encourage gun play, but nor will we forbid it. Forbidding is powerful stuff and often back fires.

Re: guns

[https://me.yahoo.com/a/Gwb2W.Y62dfG7c0V6pYxX3S4U9T5cDQ- (from livejournal.com)]

Hmm, perhaps that came across differently than I meant it... or perhaps I choose any venue for a rant! Guns are the one topic I am largely incapable of unemotional discussion about. I have become a bit defensive about it after moving to Seattle. I should have made it plain that I think you two are about as well suited to raise a great kid as anyone I have ever met.

My concern about gun play, as with many other things, is that it is a part of a subtle social brainwashing that allows a vision of glory and superhero/villain mentalities to drive behavior.

Re: guns

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

It just sounded like you were on a gun rant whereas I'm concerned with kids and imaginary guns. Linked, but different. I have strong opinions about guns, but you know I don't think they alone are the "problem."