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theatokosI wish I had never seen Twilight. It makes me angry and I'm angry that so many women don't see why I'm upset. Not being upset themselves, that I can understand. Loving the books or the movie, that I can see too. That women don't see why this story is damaging to women JUST KILLS ME. I would almost rather let my daughters (theoretical ones at this point) watch Disney princess cartoons than this heinous stuff.
I'm not singling this story out because the author is a Mormon, although I admit that I have deep (and somewhat irrational) issues with this religion, nor am I against abstinence. Not at all on that last point. I am very very much for women making informed and conscious choices about their bodies and sexuality, and if that means choosing to abstain until marriage - or for whatever time or reasoning - more power to them, because it is certainly not the easiest choice in our sex drenched society.
I'm not against protecting the ones you love, cheesy fantasy stories, power play in relationships, or being domestic. But Twilight takes all of those things and twists them, adding slightly modern touches of independence, but really it just rehashes all the messages of gender and relationships that main stream conservative religion wants us to believe.
This story disempowers women and I am deeply saddened that millions of young girls and women are now day dreaming of a relationship like Bella and Edward's. A relationship in which the woman's whole world is the man, where she can lose herself, and in effect not be responsible for the consequences. If the man is stronger willed, then she doesn't have to worry about stating her wants or boundaries or even worry about losing control sexually. Because the man will be the boundary keeper. If the man is the woman's whole world then she doesn't have to worry about making difficult choices beyond what will keep them together. If she's a 17 year old, with hormones surging through her body, then the first person she is (IRREVOCABLY) drawn to is the person she should marry. Because being married at 18 is a good idea* and the legal contract of marriage validates the sexual act. Millions of girls are watching men be the gatekeepers for Bella's sexuality and all other avenues of personal agency. Plus, she is 17. She does not even have legal agency yet. Millions of women are longing to be kept women.
And who can blame them? It would be easier in this day and age to just acquiesce and succumb to these messages. It's really fucking hard work to be a strong, loving, independent, smart woman. Finding balance between interdependence (notice the prefix there, please) and independence, freely giving of oneself and submission, work and family, self and others is exhausting even on the best of days. And let's not get into the more shallow, but in some ways more tricky and damaging, struggles between too thin and too fat, too prudish and too slutty, etc. For me, these struggles are most keenly felt in my spiritual journey and motherhood. Some days I really wish there was a clear formula that would make my spirit automatically connected up with God. If I just prayed X prayers Y many times, or if I did or was X, Y, Z then I would have the deep spiritual epiphany I long for. But that's not how it works. I don't believe there is a formula for touching God, so I put in the work. Just like I put in the work to find balance between my self, my wants, my needs and those of my husband's and my son's. Motherhood. I don't have the energy today to open that can of feminist confusion.
Suffice it to say, I am not surprised that women are sucked in by the "comforting" messages in Twilight. But it makes me sad. In that world, in this world, men/patriarchy** have the upper hand at the expense of the woman's interior world. Part of why Bella is so bland is that she has no interior world. No thoughts, just Edward.
These things make me sad. They make me angry. When I see women going along with the status quo, not questioning the images of identity and relationship that our culture holds up, I get upset. I really, truly, deeply care about the lives and identities of girls and women.
*To my younger friends here, I recognize that some people find a good match at an early age and I think that is wonderful. But having a healthy, lasting relationship with a teenage sweetheart is the exception, not the norm. Encouraging people to marry young is, in my opinion (which is never very humble), an antiquated, anti-feminist agenda.
**I fear that I need to say that individual men are not necessarily tools of the patriarchy. I think there are plenty of women (Stephanie Meyer!) who are more patriarchal than some men. I am a radical feminist, but not a separatist (although some days....) nor do I hate men. God, it makes me sad that I even feel it necessary to type this sort of disclaimer in my own freaking journal.
I'm not singling this story out because the author is a Mormon, although I admit that I have deep (and somewhat irrational) issues with this religion, nor am I against abstinence. Not at all on that last point. I am very very much for women making informed and conscious choices about their bodies and sexuality, and if that means choosing to abstain until marriage - or for whatever time or reasoning - more power to them, because it is certainly not the easiest choice in our sex drenched society.
I'm not against protecting the ones you love, cheesy fantasy stories, power play in relationships, or being domestic. But Twilight takes all of those things and twists them, adding slightly modern touches of independence, but really it just rehashes all the messages of gender and relationships that main stream conservative religion wants us to believe.
This story disempowers women and I am deeply saddened that millions of young girls and women are now day dreaming of a relationship like Bella and Edward's. A relationship in which the woman's whole world is the man, where she can lose herself, and in effect not be responsible for the consequences. If the man is stronger willed, then she doesn't have to worry about stating her wants or boundaries or even worry about losing control sexually. Because the man will be the boundary keeper. If the man is the woman's whole world then she doesn't have to worry about making difficult choices beyond what will keep them together. If she's a 17 year old, with hormones surging through her body, then the first person she is (IRREVOCABLY) drawn to is the person she should marry. Because being married at 18 is a good idea* and the legal contract of marriage validates the sexual act. Millions of girls are watching men be the gatekeepers for Bella's sexuality and all other avenues of personal agency. Plus, she is 17. She does not even have legal agency yet. Millions of women are longing to be kept women.
And who can blame them? It would be easier in this day and age to just acquiesce and succumb to these messages. It's really fucking hard work to be a strong, loving, independent, smart woman. Finding balance between interdependence (notice the prefix there, please) and independence, freely giving of oneself and submission, work and family, self and others is exhausting even on the best of days. And let's not get into the more shallow, but in some ways more tricky and damaging, struggles between too thin and too fat, too prudish and too slutty, etc. For me, these struggles are most keenly felt in my spiritual journey and motherhood. Some days I really wish there was a clear formula that would make my spirit automatically connected up with God. If I just prayed X prayers Y many times, or if I did or was X, Y, Z then I would have the deep spiritual epiphany I long for. But that's not how it works. I don't believe there is a formula for touching God, so I put in the work. Just like I put in the work to find balance between my self, my wants, my needs and those of my husband's and my son's. Motherhood. I don't have the energy today to open that can of feminist confusion.
Suffice it to say, I am not surprised that women are sucked in by the "comforting" messages in Twilight. But it makes me sad. In that world, in this world, men/patriarchy** have the upper hand at the expense of the woman's interior world. Part of why Bella is so bland is that she has no interior world. No thoughts, just Edward.
These things make me sad. They make me angry. When I see women going along with the status quo, not questioning the images of identity and relationship that our culture holds up, I get upset. I really, truly, deeply care about the lives and identities of girls and women.
*To my younger friends here, I recognize that some people find a good match at an early age and I think that is wonderful. But having a healthy, lasting relationship with a teenage sweetheart is the exception, not the norm. Encouraging people to marry young is, in my opinion (which is never very humble), an antiquated, anti-feminist agenda.
**I fear that I need to say that individual men are not necessarily tools of the patriarchy. I think there are plenty of women (Stephanie Meyer!) who are more patriarchal than some men. I am a radical feminist, but not a separatist (although some days....) nor do I hate men. God, it makes me sad that I even feel it necessary to type this sort of disclaimer in my own freaking journal.
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no subject
Date: 2009-04-10 04:56 pm (UTC)i don't know about other women, but i do not like labels/titles. of course i believe in the inherent strength and dignity of women and will stand up against those who put women down. however, i felt no need to scream I'M A FEMINIST! one does not need to wear a label in order to identify with the thought and actions you speak of. just saying. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-10 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 11:00 am (UTC)*But what you see as a label, I see as a badge. And I guess I like the badge.
Absolutely! And speaking as a woman in her sixties, the badge has, at times, been hard won. I wear my Feminist badge with pride!
no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 02:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 04:18 pm (UTC)The anonymous comment is from me - I forgot to log on...
It's what old feminists do!!!
no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 04:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 04:30 pm (UTC)Absolutely. I still have a couple of old badges from the seventies.
* Wicked Witches Were Invented By Frightened Men
* You Can't Beat A Woman (courtesy, Women's Aid)
I recall many of the old slogans with affection, even though they now must seem old hat to younger women. I particularly liked these:
* Call me Ms
* Be The Girl You Are, Not The Doll You're Sold
* I'll Be A Post-Feminist In The Post-Patriarchy
* Sisterhood Is Powerful
no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 04:53 pm (UTC)But there's a specialness with women close to me. Sisterhood is indeed powerful (although granted there are some wicked stepsisters running around there)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 05:03 pm (UTC)Me too! I adore the wonderful men in my life, (I have two sons & many fine male friends) but I can still be a damn fine feminist too!
We used to sometimes say, (& I tend to do so rather more often these days) "Sisterhood is powerful, it can kill you..."
I believe it was the wonderful feminist poet, Robin Morgan who first coined that one.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 07:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 04:15 pm (UTC)Now there's a thing... today I sent off my order for a "This Is What A Feminist Looks Like" tee-shirt! Something I've been meaning to do eversince they first came out.
I've gone for hot pink! If I intend making a statement, I'd prefer it to be a loud one! :)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 04:17 pm (UTC)And me with big boobs, oh the poor dears just stand stock still and stare at something other than just me.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-10 08:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-10 09:31 pm (UTC)also, i find that people are more open to listen if you express your ideas and what you believe in whereas they tend to close down if you throw labels around. partially you can thank the militant feminists for that. as you said in another comment, militant anygroup are the loud obnoxious asshats who fuck everything up.
also also, i find that attitude matters much more than the word.
if all this makes me coward in the eyes of some so be it. i know what i am and what i am not and that's good enough for me.
also also also, the screaming "i'm a feminist" portion of the comment was hyperbole. :]
no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 12:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-11 11:07 am (UTC)The essence of feminism has become lost in media misinformation. And in some cases, it is women themselves, afraid (for a myriad reasons) to own the badge/title/label, call it what you will, who have colluded in the crime.
And it feels that serious to me. In my world, so long as one little girl is still having her clitoris cut off, we so need the feminist movement. (And don't anyone dare to tell me it's the women who do the cutting. I KNOW IT IS. It's the patriarchal power behind this fact that sickens me.)