Sunday sunday sunday

[theatokos]

Things what are on my mind lately:

Bennett. We are definitely entering into uncharted territory here. Teething? Just hitting the 'terrible twos*'? After two good nights of sleep he was up from 3-5am, generally unhappy. He's cried a TON this morning already and if he sees me all he wants to do is nurse. He's really into repetition. We read the same 6 books over and over and he points out the same things over and over. But his attention span is wavering. He'll pick out a book and then halfway through go and grab another. It is intense these days.

Theology. Always theology. I had a whole post in mind last night, but I've lost it. Finding uninterrupted writing time at home while an idea is fresh in my head is nearly impossible. Thankfully B is sucked into a basketball game with Adam right now.

Food. We have been so poor lately that I've gotten very good at stretching meals and cooking healthy on the ultra-cheap. It's been great! Loads of veggies and grains. One chicken can last for 5 meals! But wow, have we been craving cheese and meat. I just ate a grilled cheese, bacon and spinach sandwich, with mayonnaise. Hell to the yeah. But it's not just fat I'm craving. I'm also craving tea and wine. I've given up tea, coffee and wine in my house for 'Lent'. Not when I'm at other people's places because tea is such a part of the social fabric here. And it's not just alcohol I miss, I miss California wine. In fact, I was laying in bed in the wee hours of the morning thinking about specific wines from specific vineyards that I miss.

Tomorrow though I'll get my food and wine fix. We are going to our friends' house (the people who own Town Hall Cafe). He is making ribs. I'm making my own refried beans and 7 layer dip. Hopefully they'll bring some of the stuffed peppers they sell in their deli - they are AMAZING and go beautifully with wine. We're going to watch the Super Bowl. Yes, a day late. Adam is hoping to download the game - with commercials! He (not Adam) is very into sports and She has no idea what the Super Bowl is all about. Should be really fun.

My body. I am missing exercise something fierce. I keep thinking about how fit I was before I had Bennett. Even while I was pregnant. I biked three miles to work every day (so I guess that's 6 miles total) up until I was 4 months pregnant. I was doing intense yoga up until the week B was born. I don't expect to get back to that level of fitness for the next pregnancy. I'd love to lose the stomach flab, but I'm pretty resigned to it. Short of giving up cheese and working out every day, neither thing interests me in the least, I don't think it's going to budge. I am back into my old jeans, but my body is different. Up until I had a baby I looked much younger than I am. Last week another mother assumed I was 24 or so. But the tired eyes, the growing grey streak, the stomach flab.... yeah, I'm not 24 anymore. And this stomach flab is what built Bennett. The flab isn't my favorite thing and I hate how it folds over my pants, but for the most part it's a badge of pride.


*Which I think is a misnomer. It's really not terrible so much as baffling. I feel worse for B most times than I do for myself! And he's not two, but then I've heard from some people that the months leading up to 2 are worse than 2 itself. We'll see.

Comments

[nosce.livejournal.com]

I tell everyone that Iris turned two at ten months old.
But then, ten months was a piece of freaking cake compared to where we're at now.

Good luck, mama.


"These stretchmarks are highways- see where I've grown?" -Ani DiFranco

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

My mantra these days is: this too will pass. All my frustration is mitigated by his strong love of us and his desire to be with us.

I'm not sure I've mentioned this here before, but I didn't get any stretchmarks. Neither did my mother. I hope I escape them with the next pregnancy too.

[nosce.livejournal.com]

Lucky woman you are! I thought I hadn't gotten any, and then it occured to me that I couldn't see a great deal of my body anymore. I asked Kevin and he sheepishly told me that they'd been there for abouth a month, and he just hadn't wanted me to know.
They weren't that bad though and have mostly faded, unless I pull on my skin to stretch it back out. That's what bugs me most- that my body has shrunk back, there's no fat left, but I'm still wearing a skin much too big for me. I almost want to get pregnant again just to fit inside myself again. Does that make sense?

I was reading the other day about how aweful it would be to wish away the first three years of childhood because it's hard. I mean, I can't imagine, decades from now, wondering where the heck I was when Iris was wee. I'd rather be present and enjoy the opposite side of the coin- the intimate closeness, the intense need for ME (will anyone ever need me like that again?), the baby smell. Sure, I could do without the screaming and the hitting (did I mention she's started hitting lately?) and I'd love to get some decent sleep some time this decade, but with every step she takes towards being a little girl, I already miss the little baby that much more.

That, and I try to remember how much more frustrating it must be to be HER. Never fails to make me more compassionate, at least until next time. :)

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I am so grateful that Adam and I are in a place - geographically and personally - that allow us to be so present for Bennett's early years. The whole 'first 5 years being crucial' thing now makes so much sense to me, and I wouldn't change a thing we're doing. It is intense, but it's also delicious and fun and profound. He may be a handful at home, but when we're out he's calm and collected, and he's developing empathy - he recognizes when people are sad or upset. This parenting thing blows my mind.

If I have another child that will effectively ruin the rest of my 30s for sleep. But I think it's worth it.

[keypike.livejournal.com]

We're in the whinging & repetition stage. It's frustrating for all involved. So I hear you there.

Must have refried bean & 7-layer dip recipes! (I'm so greedy....I'll dig up a couple of my faves and send to you in return).

And flab. Oh flab. You're beautiful & sexy (and healthy - must not forget healthy)...a little flab doesn't get in the way of that.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

You're not greedy! Thanks to you I've discovered pearl barley! If the refried beans turn out I'll pass along the recipe. It's just one I found online. But I'm using lard instead of butter. I mean, what are refried beans without lard?

I'm definitely healthy, though the sleep deprivation and stress certainly doesn't help me feel beautiful. But increased exercise will definitely help me feel sexy. Adam actually thinks 'muffin tops' are sexy, so..... it's working out.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not opposed to lard. Everything in moderation is my theory. I'd rather have a little of something full-fat (and whole and real), than a lot of something low-fat and full of chemicals.

Ok, I just fell in love with Adam a little bit. Don't you wish we could see ourselves through our husbands eyes?

[keypike.livejournal.com]

Ooops - that was me :)

[(Anonymous)]

Cecilia was most intense leading up to 2 and then she was fine. From about 15 mos to 22 months she seemed to be generally unhappy, demanding, and fussy about everything. But then when she turned 2 she mellowed out and was very focused. She would sit and peel the wrappers off of crayons, then break them in half, and move on to the next one. She would do this for hours, add that to not talking, and we thought she might've been autistic. But she now appears to be a normal 4 yr old.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she's not autistic at all! I can't wait til B will play alone. My god, he must have our attention every single stinking minute. Oh Miss C. What a delight.

[sapphire-kittum.livejournal.com]

Maybe Bennett is teething? I've heard that the terrible two's are overrated, it's the terrible three's that you have to watch out for.

My body has changed shape since having a baby. It's just one of those things. I've also discovered that it is harder for me to lose weight. I really have to work out hard before any weight starts to shift.

[ewigweibliche.livejournal.com]

I hope he's teething. He is the slowest teether ever. Plus, with the three teeth he lost he *needs* more teeth!